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Your e-Mails

James Fussell	Nicey, Been out the country for a week and am shocked at the tea heresy on the site.  All things in moderation I say.  Anyway on a more positive note, I have been in Andorra and while over there indulged in a packet of the French equivalent of Jaffa Cakes.  I think they were made by a company called "Lu" but unfortunately an oversight on my part while cleaning the apartment resulted in the empty packet being chucked out.  I must say that they were superb.  Thicker chocolate, jelly out to the edges with an orange tanginess the like of which only dreams are made of.  McVities need to pull their finger out.
	Nicey replies: Jim, That sounds about right. Those Lu blokes are one of the few hopes the French have, indeed they make the Figolu from the Fig Fest. I'm off on a fact finding mission to high altitude France in early February so I'll keep an eye out for them.
Chris Addison	Hello there, I'm an experienced figroll consumer, often having 4 a day, in addition to other biscuits. However, there's something about figrolls that confuses and worries me. Normally, a biscuit goes soft when left out of it's protecting biscuit tin. Instead, figrolls go hard! Why is this? Hope you can answer this problem I'm having Many Thanks, chris addison Chemistry Department University of Cambridge
	Nicey replies: Don't be confused and worried. The high moisture content of the fig paste contributes to the crusts soft nature, and on exposure to the air this tends to dry out. Now there are some who would say that this makes the fig roll a cake, which it clearly isn't, and if nothing else it proves that there are always exceptions to the rule. Also if you are ever in France try out the Figolu. This mini fig roll does not have the required bulk to maintain its correct moisture content and so appears to have already gone stale by the time it gets put into its pack.
Tom England	Mr Nice, I am delighted to be able to shed light on the whereabouts of the Mikado biscuit, or should I say 'biscuit' (spelt exactly the same, but said with un accent de Francaise). On a recent trip to France, spoilt only by the French, and France, I chanced upon a packet of the afore mentioned Mikado (on special offer*) and splashed out a few Euro nuggets on a multi pack. Unlike Mr D & Ms Goldsmith I had never encountered such a biscuiting entity but was pleasantly surprised. They look like sparklers, but taste a lot nicer (you'd also be advised not to light a Mikado) I do in fact have a small supply in a cupboard somewhere at home, so if Mr D and Ms Goldsmith would like to pop round this evening, I'll probably be in between 7 and 9, I would be delighted to crack open a pack. I'll leave a key under the mat. (Just notice you live in Australia Ms Goldsmith, you'd better get your skates on. Perhaps you could come in your 'Ute' ??) (*They were amusingly on special offer, like many other items in France, as the manufacturers had made thousands of special World Cup packets with pictures of the 'successful' French Football team on, only to be knocked out instantly!!!)
Penelope Reid	Dear Nicey, Am I hallucinating? I claim that about five years (possibly more) ago it used to be possible to sit down with a nice cup of tea and enjoy a biscuit known as the Lemon Crunch Cream made by those fine biscuiteers known as Fox. This delightful little tart of a biscuit was extremely satisfying, I remember with particular fondness the surprising way the lemon would hit your tongue a few seconds before the sugary deliciousness of the biscuit followed. (if consuming it via the prise apart & remove filling method also employed by keen bourbon eaters). However my chums claim I am confusing it with a lemon puff. To prove a point they provided me with a nice cup of tea, some where comfy to sit down and presented me with a pack of lemon puffs. The lemon puff was nothing more than two crackers (crackers) filled with what presumably tastes like the stuff they use to treat athletes foot! So I need a decision, Am I remembering some kind of biscuit type dream, or are my chums just jealous that they missed this particular taste sensation and seeking to ruin my treasured memory?
	Nicey replies: I don't recall the Lemon Crunch Cream but I can well imagine one and they sound nice. You certainly would not get confused with the Lemon puff because they are horrid, and are my third most disliked biscuit after the Nice and the Pink Wafer. Maybe one of our other visitors has experience with the Lemon Crunch Cream.
Dave Price	Dear Nicey, After checking out your extensive biscuit reviews I was left with the feeling that you have only been trying the better quality biscuits that are available on the market and ignoring the whole range of biscuits. In addition all of your reveiws seemed to be positive (apart from the 'nice' biscuits, which was the basis for a game me and my mates used to play, of which more later). I strongly recommend you start reviewing some of the less aparently palatable biscuits such as; Crawfords Thin Arrowroot biscuits (These are the worst fucking biscuits in the world, pardon my french. The world needs to know!) McVities Rich Tea (What an ommission from your review!) (ok these are quite nice) Morning coffee Butter Puffs Iced Shorties (no doubt full of chemicals) Blue Riband Wafers (stick these on a plate next to some club biscuits and see which ones are left at the end!) Carrs Table Water biscuits Penguins (Although basically a chocolate covered bourbon, this is a massive ommission) You also seem to focus on sweet biscuits and not on savoury ones such as 'Cheddars'. Some sort of rating out of 10 may be an option as well, to those of us looking to expand our biscuit horizons. Otherwise a truly tremendous website, keep up the good work! Now for the game I mentioned earlier. THE NICE CHALLANGE For responsible people only! This is basically a version of the how many crackers can you fit in your mouth without swallowing. However the gammy consistency and relatively small size of biscuit makes for some high scores. The fact that they are covered in razor sharp fragments of sugar which really cut your mouth and tongue up makes for an element of danger. After some extensive research, we decided that the nice biscuit if perfect for this game because it is not too dry (rich tea, morning coffee), not too big (digestive), cheap (generic versions are available, I find the co-op or kwik save do the cheapest and nastiest ones) and most improtantly not very tasty (so that they don't get eaten by eleminated players, any chocy biscuits are bad for this game as they are too nice and the melting chocholate lubricates the mouth). Remember all biscuits must go in whole and one at a time. Any score over 5 is doing well, it is harder than you think! Good luck and don't choke please (anyone who chokes doing this is on their own).
	Nicey replies: Thank you for that mammoth email, I assume you must be engaged in some form of higher education to be able to bring so much time and thought to a particular subject. I like your idea for nasty biscuit reviews, I think they can be very amusing. I was sent a terrific one not so long ago but the author could bring himself to go back and get some more for a photo. If people would like to send them in thats fine. Personally I have lots of lovely biscuits to work my way through before I get to the nasty ones, or the fringe players such as Cheddars. Your Nice biscuit game sounds dangerous and foolhardy, someone could easily be hurt or mentally damaged from such massive exposure to such tatty biscuits.
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