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Abbey Crunch Review
I must agree with your comments regarding Abbey Crunch. A number of years ago, my colleagues and I conducted an in depth survey on the 'dip-ability' of a broad range of buscuits. On a daily basis we would subject a different type of bisciut to a range of dips in tea (and coffee too - we were young fools!). On the instructions of the Sales Director, the white board in the sales office was deployed to display the results, and a giant grid was filled to record every aspect of each biscuit's performance. The ultimate winner of course was Abbey Crunch although there were a number of noteworthy contestants too. I must say that the bewildering array of bisciuts available nowadays would need two whiteboards to hold all of the test results. Unfortunately our work was in vain, as I put on 12 pounds in weight and the Company went out of business.
Some years previous to this, I entered in to some correspondence with United Biscuits (I think it was they). I wrote to them complaining and asking why the end two Custard Creams in a pack are ALWAYS broken, and suggested simply removing them. They would naturally be replaced by a piece of foam or similar shock-absorbing material - I suggested that they should contact NASA, as they were very good a developing new composite materials and may have already undertaken a project like this for biscuits on the space shuttle. Let's face it, reaching escape velocity from the Earth's gravitational pull would potentially shatter any biscuit and could even give a tinned cake a good shake.
I was delighted to receive a courteous reply from a gentleman called Nigel Lewis in the Customer Services Office. Although courteous, his reply failed to impress, and it seemed obvious that they planned to do little to resolve this particular issue. He also claimed that 'in-house technical expertise' would be used for packaging developments and it was 'most unlikely that they would seek NASA's assistance'. In the 20 years since, I have wasted countless Custard Creams and made a great deal of mess due to the broken end biscuits in Custard Cream packs. Are you aware of any other biscuit which suffers quite so badly from damage in transit? If the Company which I used to work for were still in business we could have done a survey.
My biscuit of the moment is Chocolate Malted Milk - yum!
|Nicey replies: The chap at McVities was probably thinking about the outcome of the digital speckle pattern interferometry program at Loughborough University. This high tech technique adapted from the aerospace industry studies of fighter wings, showed that stresses and strains caused by residual baking moisture can lead to spontaneous fracturing of the biscuits in the pack. The end two just break due to the unsupported over hang of the biscuit over the cream and wear and tear, I expect.|
||Hi Mr Nicey,|
First let me say that your website is amazing, this is what the internet was invented for. Keep up the good work.... Now my reason for writing.
As an asian born and raised here in the UK, it's fair to say that tea is destined to be in my system. So I would like to share with you my genius invention of making indian tea in less than 10 minutes (It usually takes about 20).
Step 1: Boil water in kettle
Step 2: Pop your teabag and sugar into an empty cup
Step 3: Pour boiling water into the cup and stir 5 times and squeeze the teabag against the inside of the cup to extract the flavour.
Step 4: Pop the cup into the microwave for 1 and a half minutes (700 watt microwave).
Step 5: Add milk and reheat in the microwave until the mixture looks like its ready to boil over. (This is what the light inside the microwave was invented for).
Step 6: Stir the tea and take the teabag out the cup.
Step 7: Open a packet of hobnobs and enjoy!
My new wife is from the Highlands of Scotland. As we live in the south of England I like to make her feel at home by putting the used tea bags in the toilet cystern to recreate that peaty colouration in the water.
She loves it.
||Dear Nicey, Wifey and the younger members of staff,|
First of all, I love the website- tea and biscuits truly deserve the recognition your site gives them!
I was hoping you (as the guru of all things tea-related) could answer this question for me: is there a right way to stir tea? It hadn't occurred to me that there was a right or a wrong way to stir tea, until I made a cup of tea for my mum the other day. She complained that I'd stirred it the 'wrong way' (anti-clockwise, probably because I'm left handed!) and that tea should always be stirred clockwise. Was she just being mad (likely) or am I indeed going against the laws of tea? I'd hate to be angering the gods of the teapot lest I get a poisoned cup of tea one day as punishment...
Also, on the subject of kettle-fur, our kettle in the office at work (a small office of 6 people and one kettle, meaning we're only inches away from essential tea supplies- which surely makes for more satisfied and therefore productive staff) had until recently rather disgusting flakes of white stuff. Apparently this only started after we changed to 'pow-wow' water- as we rather naughtily use the water from the big tank in the water cooler because we're miles away from a tap. It all came off with some peculiar blue stuff called 'Oust' though, so we have nice tea (without dandruff) again now!
Looking forward to reading the book, and it will make an excellent Christmas present for my tea-loving boyfriend,
|Nicey replies: Yes the answer is all too obvious as it involves the Coriolis Force which causes a change in angular momentum proportional to the distance from the equator. In the northern hemisphere one would expect to stir tea in a clockwise direction however in the southern hemisphere it should be stirred anti-clockwise. These are the same forces that goven the rotation of weather systems, and the water running out of your bath. To stir in the other direction would be flying in the face of the celestial dance itself.|
|A work colleague advised me to eat McVities Digestives with crunchy peanut butter. Has to be McVities has to be Sunpat, but most importantly has to be crunchy peanut butter.|
I used to weight 8 stone, but given my regular need of this biscuit fix I'm not any longer. Should I sue, or wire my jaw closed?
|Nicey replies: Unless you want to be discovered deceased sitting on your kahzie you probably want to moderate your intake, if not try deep frying them in batter.