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Jacob's Orange Club Review
|As a reply to your comment as to the disgusting way the French have treated the club biscuit,I just have to say that the club is still around in all its forms(mint,orange,plain,and raisin)-personally mint was always my favourite.However the layer of mint topping is now so thin you can hardly taste it, and as for the chocolate on the top don't even get me started. Ps pink wafers rule no matter what you say.|
||Just thought I'd fill in a blank on the FAQ bit of your site (www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits) - I don't know how accurate this is, but from what I was told, I've gathered that 'Nice' biscuits are actually named after a place in France, called Nice.|
So, now ya know. :)
|Nicey replies: Yes I've a had a couple of emails on this. Its all part of the French plan to knock out iffy biccys. Presumably living in Nice is so 'nice' that they couldn't be arsed to make a proper biscuit, as there was too much sun bathing and Côte d'Azur fun to be had to me mucking about with biscuit creation.
MAYOR: "We are falling behind in the white heat of cake and biscuit development, Dundee, and Eccles both have cakes, we probably need our own biscuit, something that can bare the name of Nice with pride"
BAKER: "Look, I was mucking about trying to make biscuits out of twigs string and old door mats and it all went a bit wrong, and I wound up with these nasty little jobs."
MAYOR: "Gakkk, those are bloody awful"
BAKER: "Quick drink this Pastis muck it tastes worse"
MAYOR: "I don't really care anymore, so they'll do. Lets go to the beach and get pissed"
BAKER: "Righty ho"
||While living in Canada i am somewhat removed from the biscuit world, I occasionally am able to enjoy a good biscuit (although crackers seem to be more common around my house). I agree with the majority of your reviews, but I find pink wafers to be not only the best wafers available, but one of the better varieties found in the entire biscuit trichotomy. Fig Newtons have always had a strange hold on me; I particularly enjoyed them in my early years. Lately "Dad's" oatmeal and choc chip cookies make for a good lunch time supplement to a sandwich.|
Thank you for your informative reviews
|Nicey replies: Thank you for those thoughts.
I tried Pink Wafers again this week, in a grim experiment instigated by a work mate (Rimmingtons, Rinky dink Pink Panther wafers no less). Maybe it was the vitamins and minerals supplements as each wafer contained 10% of the RDA of zinc, iron, Vitamin C, B12, A folic acid, thiamin, and riboflavin, but they tasted bloody awful. I tried to think of something that might taste that bad and decided that stretches of tha A13 between Dagenham and Purfleet would probably hold their own in a taste test.
||Dear Nicey, |
I was recently recommended your page by a tea-drinking, biscuit eating friend and have found it to be most interesting, informative and entertaining. However, I am shocked that you have not yet reviewed the mighty and legendary 'Club' biscuits. These biscuits are great for many reasons: not only did they have the best and most catchy TV Biscuit-Ad Theme Tune in the world ("If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club!"), but they also came in a variety of flavours which was an excellent marketing technique as you got a certain feeling that for some reason you had to 'collect' them all! I remember the mint variety and the fruit variety (with raisins - which were somewhat softer and jucier than the others), there was also a milk variety which I never tried and therefore still perplexes me. There was also a choc hazlenut variety released a number of years after club's first appearance and they may have been released under a slightly different name, such as 'Club de Luxe' or similar, I'm not entirely sure. Anyhow, these handy-sized miniature snacks were just great to find tucked away inside your Stars Wars lunch box at primary school (remember those? - with matching flasks - 'do not sip hot drinks through spout' - excellent!) alongside your beef paste butties. They make a refreshing change from the ever-shrinking Wagonwheel any day! AND... they really did have a LOT of chocolate on them - you could bite off each end, without your teeth penetrating the biscuit, and end up with a thick slab of pure chocolate in your mouth - Bliss! Please review them!
|Nicey replies: You've hit a raw nerve there Mr Webb. Indeed Club biscuits were once as you described them, their very reputation built on the amount of chocolate they carried on their exterior. My favorite was the orange Club which I would have with a cup of tea in my student common room circa 1982-1985. However, you obviously haven't had one of late or you would be as distressed as I am about the state they are now in. They no longer have a lot of chocolate on them!!! The French (Danone) took over Jacobs biscuits and the new Euro club is a sad shadow of its former glory. They are now longer flatter and with a thin film of chocolate over them. I have only seen Orange club biscuits, I don't know if they have dropped fruit and mint altogether. I can only guess at the anguish and trauma for the blokes at Jacobs when their life's work was turned into a travesty of its former self. This is why I haven't been able to bring my self to review Club biscuits.|
||Hold the phone, there, Biscuit Boy! I'm always in shock when I see a package of Fig Newtons in a grocery store. Why? Because I'm quite sure that they've been sitting on shelves everywhere since the early 1960's. The same Newtons get dusted by store cleaners every week. I've never seen a Nabisco truck unload a supply of Fig Newtons in a grocery loading dock...ever. Please be advised that even if the crust on the Newton was modified for The Yank's favorite pursuit, mass consumption, we don't like them nor do we eat them - ruling out your theory that we eat them in bulk. |
While we Yanks love nothing more than to ingest large quantities of empty calories, we do draw the line with stuff that tastes absolutely horrid. (Pork rinds an exception, of course.) Only painted old ladies in nursing homes and the poor hapless kids who visit them would dare to eat a Fig Newton! Why, it got *so* bad for Nabisco, they tried to lure us with a Strawberry Newton or some nonsense. We didn't buy it. Literally and figuratively. If we're going to eat biscuits, we demand our high fat, higher fat, double chocolate chunk with every rainforest nut AND lard inside cookie. Like, Mrs. Fields Chocolate Chips. Hot out of the (mall) oven and guaranteed to attach to your intestines after chewed to a glue-like nugget! Now, that's (a biscuit to you,) a damn fine cookie to us.
|Nicey replies: Thanks for that well meaning attempt to put me off the scent but we both know that the States is a big place so some of your fellow Americans must be scoffing Newtons, or else Nabisco would have canned them. Perhaps if you got hold of some proper Fig Rolls, you would come to terms with your Fig Newtons and even the Strawberry ones, which I have tried once.|