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Jacob's Orange Club

Thursday 12 Dec 2002

From 1982 to 1985 the Jacobs's Orange Club was with out a doubt my favorite biscuit.

Even 20 years ago the Club was a well established brand, with its adverts featuring various cohorts of people persuing different recreational pastimes singing 'If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club'. It was a slick and well thought through approach, and in some ways mirrored the popular culture of the time. The look and presentation of the biscuit were as important as its content, whilst the catchy tunes in the advert spoke to us directly about chocolate and its quantity in relation to its biscuit innerds. Two crisp rectangles of biscuit, a layer of orange cream between and all covered in a layer of chocolate so thick that in certain strategic places it could be bitten off in chunks. Looking like a small chocolate ingot of gold the club biscuit exuded confidence and class. Finally the whole thing was wrapped in grease proof paper with a foil outer layer and slipped in a paper tube one end of which bore the particular species of club biscuits essence be it Orange Mint or Fruit.

How times have changed. Jacob's were absorbed into Danone, a French food giant, and for reasons unknown, the Club biscuit was reduced to a mere shadow of its former self, in a fashion somewhat similar to the turning of King Posidon in the Little Mermaid into a small pale sea worm thing. The once proud boast about chocolate, that came so easily to a nation's lips, was no longer to be heard. The two biscuits were reduced to one, the biscuit became thin and insubstantial, the orange cream squatting on top of it, the chocolate of course dwindled, the gloarious packaging, which lent itself to not one but two small origami dogs, became a cellophane sachet. I was personally too distraught to bring my self to even speak the name Club biscuit for many years.

However as we reported earlier this year Jacob's have relented slightly and moved back once more to the two wrapper system. Taking this as sign of reconciliation and compromise NiceCupOfTeaAndASit down will once again speak the name of 'Club Biscuit', in the hope that we can set an example for others in thse dark times. Once again the two small origami dogs are abroad in the land.

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Sainsbury's Lemon Thin

Tuesday 3 Dec 2002

Ever wondered what comminute is? Want to find out? Then go get yourself a packet of Sainsbury's Lemon Thins, because they are packed with it to some an extent, and the bonus is its made from Lemons.

The second bonus with a Lemon Thin is the odd biscuit graphics that try and convey the image of half a lemon in front of another lemon. Somehow it doesn't really work and te overall effect is more like one of those half animal half vase things that live on the sea bed and feed on small particals of sea filth. Well that's what it looks like to me.

So what do these odd Lemon Thins actually taste like? Well they do actually taste pleasantly lemony, not in a citrus fresh way, more in a lemon curd sort of way. The biscuit is built along the lines of Abernethy, having quite a buttery flavour dispite there being none present in the recipe. The thin construction means that these are a crispy muncher, and you'll probably want to take at least four at a time.

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Griffins Chocolate Chippies

Thursday 21 Nov 2002

In the second of our New Zealand biscuit reviews, (thanks to Fraser of blogjam), we are looking at another Kiwi wonder biscuit the Chocolate Chippie. Unfortunately, because TheWife threw the packet wrapper away, the younger members of staff have scoffed most of them and the Griffins website is under construction, this review will be quite short on facts.

We were immediately impressed with how hard the biscuits are, in fact they would easily give a ginger nut a good fight. Mind you, when talking to a handy Kiwi today, he insisted that Griffins Ginger Nuts are way harder. Once the initial shock of the extra durable biscuit construction has passed then the biscuits flavour can be appreciated. They have a malty sweetness and the chocolate chips provide a mild chocolately under pinning. All very pleasant indeed.

So why are they so hard? Well they seem to be aimed fairly and squarely at kids, with a big bear mascot sort of guy on the packet, and being fortified with iron, could that be it? Are they made of iron? Or could it be that the Kiwis want their kids to eat rugged food so that they grow up tough and are able to stuff the rest of the world at Rugby. That is my preferred explanation.

The one useful statistic that we found on the Griffins site is that they produce 1,603,272 single packs of biscuits a year. At this rate its going to take them 175 years to reach the moon based on a biscuit diameter of 65mm. Still their biscuit space bridge will be highly durable due probably to its iron content.

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