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Malted Milk Review
Right here goes..at my workplace, we pride ourselves on an epic brew with at least 6 moo bics “malted milk” each.
As of late there has been a harsh decrease in stocks. Asda in all surrounding towns have sold out, the spa down the road doesn’t even do it and my local supermarket has some ridiculous caricature cow biscuits that should be made illegal in 47 states!
It’s not on and I’m having to make do with rocky robin chocolate bars which are no substitute for moo bics. We are a 20 strong team here and feel betrayed by the government.
|Nicey replies: That is indeed troubling news, as Asda are usually a sure bet for Malted Milks. The Elks Malted Milks with the irreverent portrayals of Malted Milk cows are I feel undignified. One reader of the site carefully emailed me on two occasions with pictures of the afore mentioned biscuits, which I chose to overlook due to their demeaning of the classical form.
Sainsburys are usually a good bet too for Malted Milks.
I think you really ought to know about this product.
I feel a little ambivalent about the implications of this mug. Does it take some of the spiritual/ aesthetic/ artistic dimensions out of making a cup of tea, or does it leave nothing to chance, to ensure a perfect scientific brew, precisely to specification?
|Nicey replies: I really do wish these design types would just let it be. If its not that half useless dunk mug then its something like this. They are continually trotting out these ill thought out gimmicky mugs. Even the most colour perceptively challenged can see from their own picture that the tea doesn't match any of their suggested colours. How could it when most of which seem based on Yellow Ochre.
Designers just leave it alone, look further than the office kettle for inspiration, go back to your desks and instead wonder how you can be as successful as Johnny Ive.
I was reviewing the biscuit review archive today, and I was shocked to note that there was no review for the lemon puff biscuit. Is this a terrible oversight? Can it be that lemon puffs have escaped attention? Or worse, can it be that they have been deliberately overlooked as unworthy of the attentions of any serious biscuit enthusiast? I realise that biscuits in this context are considered principally as an addendum to a nice cup of tea or coffee, and that some may consider the lemon puff to be too childish and unsophisticated a confection to be worthy of a review, but I am inclined to disagree. I must ponder this matter further....
|Nicey replies: Chris,
I'm afraid your darkest fears have been realised. We tried to review them on two separate occaisions but gave up as the latter day Lemon Puffs were so ropey that we just couldn't go through with it. They are covered in the book however, in the section on biscuits that I can't cope with along with the Pink Wafer.
One of my colleagues has just returned from the canteen with 2 organic, fair traded, vegetarian, vegan, no wheat, no soya, no hydrogenated fat, no enzymes, lemon zest cookies from Doves Farm Organic (yes, I believe they did have to include some extra packaging to fit that list in).
The chap looked distinctly under whelmed by the experience. As I told him, frankly I'm not surprised as no matter how fairly traded palm oil is, it's never going to be as good as butter in the manufacture of biscuits. And that's without even considering the potential carbon footprint of transporting palm oil from wherever it grows to Hungerford....
Anyway, I shall stop getting upset about this, adopt an I'm alright Jack attitude as I dig into my 1.3kg box of broken biscuits procured from the cheapo-shop for £2 and get to the point....
I have been sent in the direction of the company website, on which I have discovered that biscuits, like water, carbon and rocks have a cycle. I have attached the diagram from the site for your perusal - I hope you find it as enlightening as I did!
|Nicey replies: Lovely. I'm a bit concerned that everything seems to be accumulating in the cereal bowl at the bottom. I fear we may soon be overwhelmed by 'Bio-Biz' if we leave the situation unchecked. I'm also left wondering now, where as it had never occurred to me before, if grass produces hay and wheat produces straw why don't oats produce anything? |
||Re: your JaffaJudgement|
Anthony Barber would be quite bemused if he knew that the John Knott was claiming to have brought in VAT in 1973. But then John never did have much of a grasp of facts I'm afraid. It was not until 1989 that the Jaffa Cake represented any sort of 'problem', when Customs and Excise conducted a review of their application of the rules relating to VAT on food items; the review being requested by the then government who were considering changes to the rules to discourage the consumption of food considered unhealthy.
Jaffa cakes though, just love 'em. McVities original orange, none of the other rubbish.