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I am afraid that I could not be bothered to get a picture of my biscuit tin but here's its story and an attached diagram the purpose of which will become apparent on reading.
It is a pottery tin of a similar in colour to your own but with less of the decoration and simply the word "biscuits" in delightful gold calligraphy on the side. Now, as we all know the fit of the lid in keeping biscuits fresh and crunchy is paramount and to this end my tin employed a rubber O-ring around the lid. But one fatefull day an accident lead to the moulded pottery knob being smashed from the rest of the lid! This rendered an otherwise excellent tin useless! But all was not lost I dug out a wooden knob which was surplus from the redecoration of my kitchen. Using only this a rubber O-ring, a circle of 5mm ply and 1inch a stainless countersunk screw I was able to cunningly fashion a repair to my tin.
This saved going through the emotionally draining experience of buying a new tin. Not only that but I would have probably ended up shelling out for a new tea and sugar jar as well as they were part of the same set and would not match a new biscuit tin.
I do hope this tail is worthy of your site
|Nicey replies: What a fantastic tale of biscuit tin drama, and a wonderful diagram. Worthy of a rocket science icon as well as a biscuit tin.|
Mr Hands here. Despite feeling it necessary to tell you about my last sit down of epic proportions, the three hour munchathon I finished last night really took the biscuit. All 20 of them.
I am currently working in California and so I have had the chance to sample many cookies (very big biscuits) such as Mrs Fields. However, my girlfriend found a shop called Trader Joe's yesterday and she managed to find what can only be described as a loaf of cookies on the "star buy" rack.
Strangely, on the same day, I managed to come accross a small shop in the middle of nowhere that sold British goods. I came out of there with several varieties of Mr Kipling cakes including some quite intriguing mini-battenburgs.
The tea, biscuit and cake onslaught that occurred last night will be remembered as a milestone in my relationship with my girlfriend as there was a moment that occurred at about the time that she was trying to eat a jaffa cake in one side of her mouth and a mini-battenberg in the other and seeing if she could let tea pass between them without any of the flavours mixing that I honestly thought that I could spend the rest of my life with this woman.
In short, the most important and remembarable sit down of my life, and the missus and I are already planning our next one, where we hope to include some home-made Rice-Krispie cakes and a generous helping of Abbey Crunch.
Have you had unexplainable emotions occur over tea drinking and biscuit munching? I just want to know if I am the only one.
P.S I just want to say Happy Birthday to my sister Jenny. We had a cup of tea on your behalf last night!
|Nicey replies: Mr Hands,
Glad to hear that you are helping our American cousins appreciate the finer things in life. That's a lot of heavy cake action your indulging in there, but as it's between consenting adults that will probably be all right. Just be sure that you respect each others limits when experimenting with multiple cake techniques.
Some of the finest cups of tea I have had have been made on the tops of mountains on a meths stove fighting off sheep, who are trying to eat my digestives. A somewhat different experience to that of yours last night but both are valid.
Yes and Happy Birthday to Miss Hands.
Listen, Im no rocket scientist (although I do work for NASA, and am working on the development of advanced ion optics, which are critical components of ion-based propulsion engines) but I do love your site. It's the best thing on the web by some 700 mega-bourbons. But enough of this idle chatter, I have a question - when are you going to do a feature on 'packed lunch' biscuits - Breakaways, Penguins, Blue Ribands, and those of a similar ilk? Kids love em, I love em, and an in-depth review is long overdue. I trust you will correct this oversight forthwith.
|Nicey replies: We have already taken a step in the direction you suggest with the Wagonwheel. I'm sure we will get round to many of the chocolate covered biscuits you suggest.
P.S. See if you can do something about the acceleration those ion drives, its a bit dismal.
After checking out your extensive biscuit reviews I was left with the feeling that you have only been trying the better quality biscuits that are available on the market and ignoring the whole range of biscuits. In addition all of your reveiws seemed to be positive (apart from the 'nice' biscuits, which was the basis for a game me and my mates used to play, of
which more later). I strongly recommend you start reviewing some of the less aparently palatable biscuits such as;
Crawfords Thin Arrowroot biscuits (These are the worst fucking biscuits in
the world, pardon my french. The world needs to know!)
McVities Rich Tea (What an ommission from your review!) (ok these are quite
Iced Shorties (no doubt full of chemicals)
Blue Riband Wafers (stick these on a plate next to some club biscuits and
see which ones are left at the end!)
Carrs Table Water biscuits
Penguins (Although basically a chocolate covered bourbon, this is a massive
You also seem to focus on sweet biscuits and not on savoury ones such as 'Cheddars'.
Some sort of rating out of 10 may be an option as well, to those of us looking to expand our biscuit horizons. Otherwise a truly tremendous website, keep up the good work!
Now for the game I mentioned earlier.
THE NICE CHALLANGE
For responsible people only!
This is basically a version of the how many crackers can you fit in your mouth without swallowing. However the gammy consistency and relatively small size of biscuit makes for some high scores. The fact that they are covered in razor sharp fragments of sugar which really cut your mouth and tongue up makes for an element of danger. After some extensive research, we decided that the nice biscuit if perfect for this game because it is not too dry (rich tea, morning coffee), not too big (digestive), cheap (generic versions are available, I find the co-op or kwik save do the cheapest and nastiest ones) and most improtantly not very tasty (so that they don't get eaten by eleminated players, any chocy biscuits are bad for this game as they are too nice and the melting chocholate lubricates the mouth).
Remember all biscuits must go in whole and one at a time.
Any score over 5 is doing well, it is harder than you think!
Good luck and don't choke please (anyone who chokes doing this is on their
|Nicey replies: Thank you for that mammoth email, I assume you must be engaged in some form of higher education to be able to bring so much time and thought to a particular subject.
I like your idea for nasty biscuit reviews, I think they can be very amusing. I was sent a terrific one not so long ago but the author could bring himself to go back and get some more for a photo. If people would like to send them in thats fine. Personally I have lots of lovely biscuits to work my way through before I get to the nasty ones, or the fringe players such as Cheddars.
Your Nice biscuit game sounds dangerous and foolhardy, someone could easily be hurt or mentally damaged from such massive exposure to such tatty biscuits.
||HobNob biscuits are greatly enjoyed by young squirrels (no, really, this is|
true). We had a baby squirrel (his name was Vermin) a few years ago who
was found in the Meadows in Edinburgh as a cute infant who had fallen out of
his tree (I think his mother pushed him), brought home and largely reared on
HobNobs. Don't be fooled by squirrel propaganda about nuts - eating nuts
just makes them even more aggressive than they are normally. No, the bog
standard HobNob is the very man for squirrel rearing and produces a squirrel
who can handle himself in the wide world with all the grace and daring of a
complete psychopath. When he had left us to go about his lawful squirrel
occasions, he came back into the house on a regular basis to demand a
HobNob, which he would grab and run away with, kicking cats and Deerhounds
out of his way as he went.
|Nicey replies: What a fantastic tale of biscuits and animal rescue. Perhaps the Deerhounds should be fed on them as well, as they seem a bit placid compared to your extra hard squirrel. The younger members of NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown's staff are eating a lot of HobNobs this week, I better keep a close eye on them for any psychotic tendencies.|