Keep your e-mails pouring in, it's good to know that there are lots of you out there with views and opinions.
To help you work out what is what, are now little icons to help you see biscuit related themes. And now you can see at a glance which are the most contested subjects via this graph (requires Flash 6.0 plugin).
Please keep your mails coming in to firstname.lastname@example.org
If you like, you can use this search thingy to find stuff that matches with any of the icons you pick, or use the fantastic free text search, Yay!
Tunnocks Tea Cake Review
I have been intending to e mail for some time so my thoughts on a number of topics:
I agree with Madam Arnold that a nice cup (or mug) of tea, toast and a sit down all go together rather well and toast eating as previous stated on this site is a wonderful recreation either on its own or when coupled with a mug of tea. I feel it important to add that the best way of eating toast is with butter and not with any form of imitation as this only disappoints. White bread thickly sliced adds to the enjoyment but other breads are acceptable when the recreation has not been well planned in advanced.
Airline tea can be the most disgusting drink in the world and only UK based airlines should be trusted with making a cup of tea. My own favourite BMI know how to make a lovely cup of tea at 36,000 feet and when coming home from the US is one of the things I look forward to on the flight. An added bonus is it is served in china. I have to say that that well known coffee shop chain Starbucks is the only hope of a good drink of tea in America as you can make it yourself, but should be avoided at all costs in the UK and the visits in the US are only in an emergency when I start to pine for home comfort.
I have so enjoyed reading about Tunnocks Tea Cakes. I do believe that the only way to eat a TTC is with reverence, calm and a cup of tea.My mother always taught me not to play with my food so I still have not attempted to blow the inside out mainly as I hate the thought of wasting any of the inside mixture . I do remember from childhood a Snowball which is not a drink made with Advocat but the inside mixture of a Tunnocks Tea cake covered with coconut which to my delight is a Tunnocks product and still available having checked the Tunnocks web site so I am going to hunt a Snowball down now.
With all good wishes
|Nicey replies: An aeroplane icon we do have. |
||I suggest, in true Yogi and Booboo style, a picnic basket icon. |
The reason is simply that it's nearly summer, which in my house usually means going down to the park and drinking slightly plasticy flavoured tea from a Thermos and feeding ducks with inappropriate chocloate covered snacks.
I'd better stop now, before I get started on ducks again...
|Nicey replies: I could do a Thermos icon that would be good. Wifey and I love our Thermos, which we use like a teapot throwing a couple of bags just before we need to have some tea. This makes very acceptable tea in very unusual places.|
||Dear Mr Nicey|
Please make an icon for dat toast wot me and Dr Toast and other people like to havetea with. When me mam was poor in the 60s, dat tea and dat toast would constitute an entire meal!
So innit about time you acknowledged this. And that.
PS I drew you an illustritive illustration of tea and toast as I realise that this may be an alien, nay, frightening concept for some tea users, but I wanted to bring it out into the open so as to further dat social intergration and let toasties know they've nothin to be ashamed of.
|Nicey replies: OK, I shall give it serious thought. I need one more icon at the same time so that we go from 28 to 30 and it doesn't mess up my nice little rectangle. Suggestions welcome..|
Tim Tam vs Penguin Review
Having only discovered your wonderful website yesterday, I already find myself penning my second message to you (or strictly speaking I suppose I'm keying it rather than penning it, not that I'm actually speaking, oh shut up John and get on with it). Don't worry, the messages won't keep coming at this rate, I'm just unloading the biscuit-related detritus that has accumulated in my brain with no outlet until now.
I noticed that your feedback contained quite a few references to Arnotts Australian biscuits, which reminded me of a shocking incident that I witnessed a while back. Well, it was shocking to me, though others may just see this as evidence of a very sheltered life.
I was in the throes of a very stressful professional experience involving barristers and cross-examination and some generally pretty hostile characters, but gained considerable comfort from the support of a very helpful and sympathetic backroom team. Until, that is, one Friday afternoon when I returned to our workroom from the interrogation chamber seriously concerned that my professional reputation might not last the weekend and in desperate need of help from my comrades.
Instead of the alert and eager team that I had expected to find, I came upon a scene of utter debauchery, with my colleagues slouched around panting and groaning in a state of post-orgasmic exhaustion. When I finally managed to get some sense out of them, I discovered that one of the team, a feisty young Australian woman, had introduced to the workroom as an end-of-week treat a packet of Arnotts Tim-Tams. She had then instructed her team-mates in a disgusting Antipodean ritual which involved biting off both ends of a Tim-Tam (similar to a Penguin for those who haven't come across them) and using it as a straw through which to drink their c*ff*e (you'll be glad to hear that such depraved characters aren't tea-drinkers). I, of course, as one who steers well clear of unapproved substances and practices, cannot vouch personally for the effects of this behaviour, but I felt it was my duty to warn your readers of its apparently devastating impact on a group of people of previous good character, including one I had previously thought of as particularly strait-laced.
I don't know whether this appalling practice would work with other forms of biscuit or beverage, but I would urge vigilance by parents when they see their offspring sneaking off to their bedrooms surreptitiously clutching Penguins and Coke.
|Nicey replies: Morning John,
Yes we have many graphic accounts of the TimTam slam on NCOTAASD, but none the less it must have been alarming to stumble upon such a scene. The link at the bottom of the Tim Tam review will take you through accounts of people slamming Twix's and Cadburys Fingers in addition to the Ozzy treat. If you choose the little space rocket icon in our search then you'll encounter messages concerning other bizarre biscuit eating techniques, such as blowing through Tunnocks Tea cakes much in the manner of egg collectors emptying eggs of their contents.
|John E Noir
Malted Milk Review
I have to disagree with Mr Paul Daly. Malted Milk were never my favourite biscuit but have always done me well in a crisis. And this weekend they provided me with much amusement.
Some Friends and I were staying in Sedbergh in the Yorkshire Dales and were enjoying the excellent Howgill Fells, well maybe enjoying is too strong a word as it was mainly misty most of the time.
I have found that biscuits do not provide adequate sustenance on the hills and as Carl and Sue had provided a cake for their younger staff members, Adam and Julia. Me and 6 others managed to get a slice and as you can see I was lucky enough to get ¾’s of a cherry.
When we got back to the Hotel a nicecupofteaandasitdown was called for and I was elected to put the kettle on. The Hotel had thoughtfully provided some of those packets of three bickies. Mark elected to have coffee (the heathen) and chose to have the packet of bourbons. (he was welcome to them as they were the equally heathen 4:3 ratio shape not the 16:9 widescreen they should be) Dave had tea and the Digestives, which left me with the Malted Milk.
I tried a simple nibbled cowectomy on the first but lost patience and bit right through the thing. On the second I got my trusty Swiss army knife and made a more concerted attempt.
Unfortunately the cow lost a front leg and astute observers will notice that the structural integrity of the biscuit failed along a line through the D of MALTED round the cows “bum” and out through the ear of wheat at the bottom. By this time my tea was getting cold so I snaffled the remains and drank my tea.
However I still had one biscuit left so I tried again with the finest attachment on my swiss army knife I sloooooowly scratched round the cow.
This time the cow came away intact and although the front leg was still the hardest part it survived, although the crumbs that would have been its right front leg disintegrated, from the front it looks intact.
By the way is the shadowy line at the rear of the cow it’s tail or its other leg? I left the other cow (it's not a calf its just further away) as it was too indistinct a shape to bother with.
John E Noir
|Nicey replies: John,
I've always taken the pragmatic approach and consider the thing at the back of the cow to be its tail.
Once again your mail raises the interesting issue of exactly under what circumstances the Swiss Army would be mobilised. I've often thought that it would be some crisis that required the opening of thousands of economy tins of tomatoes and baked beans, with out those built in ring pull lids. Obviously conventional military hardware such tanks, attack helicopters or just straight forward guns, could get into the tins but they would probably spill most of the contents, requiring the Swiss to be called in. If the scenario was widened to include the sharpening of some small sticks, rewiring some 13 amp plugs and the removal of splinters then there really is only one choice.