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I'd just like all your readers to know that HobNobs are not only the king of biscuits, they're also an important part of the running of Britain's infrastructure.
I am a cop and I get to drink a lot of tea in old ladies houses. Needless to say, I'm often presented with an array of biscuits and consider myself an amateur connoisseur. I know many colleagues in similar positions and HobNobs are always the biscuit of choice. I was overjoyed when McVities produced the Chocolate HobNob, many years ago now, and a shift wouldn't pass without me and my colleagues sitting around dunking and munching Chocolate HobNobs.
Had it not been for a Chocolate HobNob, I wouldn't have caught a nasty burglar escaping an old dear's house. I genuinely believe that the extra calories in that very biscuit gave me the energy burst to catch the naughty villain.
Most weekends, especially on night shifts, I have to visit the local hospital to see road accident or assault victims. I usually manage to sneak a pot of tea with the pretty nurses and, I know this may come of no surprise to you now, they too favour HobNobs.
Many of my colleagues are ex-military, some from special forces. They all swear that the HobNob plays a very important part of military life and is the choice of most regiments. After all, the HobNob is the marine of biscuits!
Do you see where I'm going with this?? I could evidence my argument with more witnesses, however I chose to rest my case at this point. The HobNob is vital to the running of the country, so lets give it the respect it deserves.
|Nicey replies: Sidders,
Thanks for that fascinating in glimpse in to the reality of law enforcement in this country. I'm sure you are absolutely right about the important role of the HobNob in keeping our Police, Nurses and even Armed forces going although I do think the forces actually have their own military strength biscuits called biscuits - brown and biscuits - fruit, as well as the oat block. I haven't tried any of these alas.
Presumably the lack of HobNobs in the US explains why their Police have to resort to carrying guns.
||Does anyone else out there have a good sniff of their tea bag before making each cup of tea....or is it just me. It just struck me that I may have a strange habit.|
|Nicey replies: Jim,
I was fretting only this morning that the nose icon hadn't had an outing for a while so I'm going to broaden its remit as of now, to 'smells' and not just people who allegedly smell of biscuits.
I sometimes make Pyramid bag more presentable by pulling all its little corners taught and putting in a few creases so it looks like a proper tetrahedron. I imagine the landed gentry have people to do this for them.
||Hello Nicey & Wifey,|
I've been enjoying your book greatly and it prompted me to look up your site, which is also spiffing.
However, I must take exception to your description of the latest McVitie's advertising campaign as being entirely about people flicking crumbs at each other.
As one of the chaps responsible for devising this modern masterpiece, and going all the way to New Zealand to shoot it, may I point out that crumbs in question are also poured, retrieved, shaken and hoovered up. Other unused scenes showed them being dunked and banged out of the crevices of a tin.
Shortly, you will even be able to see them being sucked up a straw, in an ad about a new Mcvitie's product so secret that I would be killed if I told you about it.
Anyway, to my point. I probably don't eat quite as wide a variety of biscuits as you expert consumers, but as part of my job I do get to go to lots of biscuit factories and see them at work. Whilst watching digestives splash through their chocolate bath, or observing a ginger nut rise and fall in the oven, or seeing how small the tiny squidge of batter is that becomes the basis of a Jaffa Cake is all jolly thrilling, by far the most impressive to watch in production is............................the Butter Puff.
What do you say to that, eh?
|Nicey replies: Thank you for running the gauntlet of certain death, to bring us that message, however, mostly we say, that we suspect that going all the way to New Zealand to shoot lots of interiors seems like a bit of an excuse for a jolly. We hadn't noticed any obvious parallels with the portrayal of biscuit crumb premises and the scenery in the Lord of The Rings Trilogy, although I'm sure we'll all look a bit harder next time it's on. Secondly I was really referring to the advert where the two blokes are just flicking crumbs at each other, rather than the adverts that came after that one which I hadn't seen because they were in the future.
Thirdly and getting to your point I'm not keen on butter puffs, although I have a good deal of respect for them and their whole 'puff' posse including the Lemon Puff. Presumably now that Jacobs is part of of United Biscuits there can be a public burying of the hatchet between the Cornish Wafer and the Butter Puff which surely is long overdue.
||dear nicey and wifey,|
i have just returned from a lovely trip to france with my boyfriend sam, during which time we decided to stock up on some nice biscuits and see how they compare on the continent. I have to say that the dunking capabilities of all 5 breeds that we sampled were horrifying. the biscuits immediately fell apart upon insertion into the tea (obviously a variety of temperatures were sampled.) this created havoc, and i'm sure has put sam slightly off me, as he has witnessed me trying to 'save' several biscuits by shoving the whole soggy mess into my mouth, and in the process getting most of it down my top. Has anyone else noticed that perhaps the structural engineers of the french biscuit world need a bit of a talking to? would value your opinion.
lots of love, ellie french xxx
|Nicey replies: I must admit it's never really occurred to me to dunk a French biscuit, much in the way we don't tend to drive on the proper left hand side of the road when over there, but well done for trying. It does show that our biscuits are much more designed for the British way of life than we might suspect. I'm sure you haven't done any permanent harm to your relationship through your biscuit impropriety. It sounds like the sort situation that most well adjusted blokes would approve of whole heartedly.|
McVities Milk Chocolate Digestive Review
I got into this debate with my work colleagues and am a staunch supporter of the "chocolate-up" method. When I decided to find out whether there is in fact a right or wrong way, I was shocked to find that you had advised that McVities say that the biscuit's upness is immutable and therefore the "chocolate-up" way is technically upside-down.
If that is the case, why do they package them with the chocolate side up in their standing chocolate hobnob packs? Also, if you take a pack of normal chocolate digestives, stand them up so that the end you are told to open is at the top and open that end, the chocolate is always at the top. Is there any way that you can ask them why they package them upside down if this is technically wrong?
|Nicey replies: Yes I think this has all been pointed out to them. None the less the common sense - staring you in the face answer apparently isn't the right one. Its just one of those charming little quirks in the biscuit universe.|