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Fruit Shortcake Review
Further to this discussion as we have previously established, a few crumbs (especially from a ginger nut) can prove extremely dangerous, a few carefully laid crumbs could serve a purpose for those that wish to cause harm with biscuits…
However, I find it strange that suddenly you have e mails flooding in from people that seem keen on relaying tales of biscuit related violence. I think they need a nice cup of tea and a sit down. It must be all the horrific news and war in our world that is even creeping into our daily tea and biscuit related enjoyment…What is the world coming to ?
Oh and on another note, we had a discussion some time back when I asked you what you thought the most under rated biscuit was, you said a fruit shortcake. And although sceptical I cracked on with a packet just last week and I am certainly coming round to your point of view, they indeed do give way more than you ask of them.
At this rate I will be trying Garibaldis again and they haven’t seen the light of day in my world for a good 30 years after a fly related comment corrupted my then young mind and created a phobia for them. You make a strong case for them in your review I am tempted, maybe its my age?
Here's to revisiting biscuits from the past, and of course peace in our time.
|Nicey replies: The lack of a biscuits as weapons icon is becoming increasingly embarrassing.
A word of caution on the Garibaldis, modern ones are a bit drier and generally less chewy than those of antiquity. Just so that you are prepared, still certainly worth a good go. Also it is almost certainly your age, it is increasingly the reason for most standpoints I have on things. Wifey and I were very lucky to attend the Oldie magazine's 200th Edition party last week, were we told off by Patricia Routledge for not being old at all, however after a mere 5 or 6 drinks it took us both 2 days to recover fully.
Cadbury's Fingers Review
|Now I'm not a violent person, I'm only joining this topic in the hope of generating a 'biscuits as weapons' icon...|
At our office we used to get a weekly 'Broken Biscuit Assortment' from our friendly milkperson. For a period of a few weeks, this weekly box of treats was turned hideously wrong as it contained broken 'Barbie biscuits'. These little abominations were akin to custard creams, however the biscuit had a distincly cardboard consistency and the cream within was a vile pink colour and very very strongly flavoured of that awful saccharine-sweet "strawberry" chemical taste. In fact they were so strongly flavoured that the presence of just a single Barbie biscuit polluted the entire box, making all the other biscuits within taste like those awful scented erasers all the girls had at school in the 80s.
What's my point? Well, provided one had suitable breathing apparatus, the Barbie biscuit would work extremely well as a Weapon Of Mass Disgustion. In the hypothetical Die Hard 4 biscuit battle scene, I'm sure a few well planted Barbie biscuits would soon have Mr Willis rendered unconcious allowing one to deliver the killer blow with a well aimed Ginger Nut or maybe a sharpened Cadbury's Finger would do the trick.
|Nicey replies: Greg,
You're probably right as I'm having to scratch around for icons on this one.
Thin Arrowroot Review
|Dear ncotaasd staff and fellow readers,|
I have two things I would like to share with you and visitors to your important and critically acclaimed web site and biscuit information forum.
Firstly I write in support of the oft maligned Arrowroot, unfairly, I feel, dismissed in your review as a "dry tasteless dull excuse for a biscuit". I would suggest that to the contrary the Arrowroot represents an important lifelong companion and comfort food. Introduction to the Arrowroot should be at an early age as they make an excellent teething soother and general comforter for babies - in part because of the structural qualities recognized in your report but also for its unique warming vanilla variant taste. Later in life that taste quickly brings back feelings of security, warmth, homeliness and the protective cocoon that was early childhood. What better way to get over another brutal day in the work world than to come home to a ncotaasd with an Arrowroot on the side. And, if that is not enough, later in life we can look forward to the Arrowroot as a valuable easily digested, nourishing diet for convalescence. The active ingredients are reportedly especially useful in bowel complaints, as they have demulcent properties.
For a special treat I slather the top of an Arrowroot with butter - the real stuff - and a large spoonful of jam. This provides a good segue to my second topic, Jam. While on an all too short visit to Turkey this year I acquired a pot of Penguen brand Gul Receli (the u with an umlaut and the c with a cedilla). This, as many of your fine visitors may know, is rose petal jam. Quite how crafty penguins became a corporate logo for a product made in a country with Mediterranean and desert like climates is a mystery ... but I digress. The delicate and exquisite flavour of this Jam is just like good red Turkish delight. Apart from a few teaspoonfuls gobbed onto Arrowroots we used most of it for jam tarts and this, I believe, is the Jam's forte. The tarts made a good conversation piece, at least until tasted after which household members just focused on grabbing the biggest share and greedily scoffing. A final word of warning, the jam does contains small pieces of rose petal which can stubbornly adhere to teeth, but despite this I heartily recommend rose petal jam as a must try for all. Why not try it first on an Arrowroot !
Regards to all.
|Nicey replies: Well I think Turkey should have that high on their lists of reasons for getting into the EU, "Have Turkish delight flavoured jam, made by Penguins". Good plan with the Jam tarts. Well done for sticking up for the Arrowroot it needs friends because out of nearly 2000 votes in our biscuit poll it's still showing a zero as anybody's favourite, and 00.3% people have them regularly.|
||Hi again Nicey, Wifey & etc|
All this talk of Tetley tea reminds me of when my younger daughter (at the time aged about 3 or 4) asked me "Mum, is your tea deadly?" I told her it wasn't that bad, but she said, "No, you know, like on the advert, deadly make tea bags make tea". I reassured her that actually, I used tea leaves anyway, so it wasn't deadly at all. Don't you just love the things youngsters come out with? She doesn't tend to come up with such gems now that she's nearly 16! She was very pleased that I bought her one of the PG Tips Gromit mugs though!
All the best, keep up the good work.
|Nicey replies: Your daughter is a lucky girl to have possession of that Gromit mug, judging by the plaintive emails flooding in here from people desperate to get hold of them. Just in case anybody was wondering, we don't know either. |
Nabisco Nutter Butter Review
|I'm writing in regards to Stuart Mason's e-mail regarding the best biscuit for Die Hard 4. My coworkers and I have had a go at this one and decided that the best dessert item with which to blind one's foes might be some form of biscotti. While I'm not convinced these fall technically within the biscuit range, I'd feel equal to Bruce Willis if I was armed with a biscotti or two, whatever biscuit he was wielding (although being American he'd probably have a cookie; and he'd have plenty of ghastly hard scratchy things to choose from too. Of course I, too, am an American and am therefore guilty of eating cookies AND drinking coffee, but only when I can't get a decent cup of tea). |
We went on to discuss the possibility of fig bars as protective gear, and carefully stacked nutter butters as impromptu shelters for large-scale battles, so you can imagine it was a lively morning at the office. It got rather outlandish at one point, with someone suggesting something involving jam or custard to create floor slippage.
My thanks to Mr. Mason, for generating such a fine distraction!