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Cadbury's Fingers Review
|Now I'm not a violent person, I'm only joining this topic in the hope of generating a 'biscuits as weapons' icon...|
At our office we used to get a weekly 'Broken Biscuit Assortment' from our friendly milkperson. For a period of a few weeks, this weekly box of treats was turned hideously wrong as it contained broken 'Barbie biscuits'. These little abominations were akin to custard creams, however the biscuit had a distincly cardboard consistency and the cream within was a vile pink colour and very very strongly flavoured of that awful saccharine-sweet "strawberry" chemical taste. In fact they were so strongly flavoured that the presence of just a single Barbie biscuit polluted the entire box, making all the other biscuits within taste like those awful scented erasers all the girls had at school in the 80s.
What's my point? Well, provided one had suitable breathing apparatus, the Barbie biscuit would work extremely well as a Weapon Of Mass Disgustion. In the hypothetical Die Hard 4 biscuit battle scene, I'm sure a few well planted Barbie biscuits would soon have Mr Willis rendered unconcious allowing one to deliver the killer blow with a well aimed Ginger Nut or maybe a sharpened Cadbury's Finger would do the trick.
|Nicey replies: Greg,
You're probably right as I'm having to scratch around for icons on this one.
Nabisco Nutter Butter Review
|I'm writing in regards to Stuart Mason's e-mail regarding the best biscuit for Die Hard 4. My coworkers and I have had a go at this one and decided that the best dessert item with which to blind one's foes might be some form of biscotti. While I'm not convinced these fall technically within the biscuit range, I'd feel equal to Bruce Willis if I was armed with a biscotti or two, whatever biscuit he was wielding (although being American he'd probably have a cookie; and he'd have plenty of ghastly hard scratchy things to choose from too. Of course I, too, am an American and am therefore guilty of eating cookies AND drinking coffee, but only when I can't get a decent cup of tea). |
We went on to discuss the possibility of fig bars as protective gear, and carefully stacked nutter butters as impromptu shelters for large-scale battles, so you can imagine it was a lively morning at the office. It got rather outlandish at one point, with someone suggesting something involving jam or custard to create floor slippage.
My thanks to Mr. Mason, for generating such a fine distraction!
Thin Arrowroot Review
I've just discovered the site and have been aggressively advertising it to anyone who will listen to me. Well done, I'm a massive fan.
Anyway, I reckon a workplace debate that raged a few years back may be worth you conducting as an online poll.
Namely - Biscuits as weapons, what would you choose?
Having been recently slashed across the face and cut by my then girlfriend with the broken edge of half a Rich Tea, I originally suggested Rich Tea.
However, many colleagues were touting the strength and ferocity of a Ginger Nut. They claimed that if Bruce Willis was filming Die Hard 4 and had to take out some miscreants with only biscuits as weapons, he'd be looking to take eyes out with a broken Ginger Nut. I had to concede.
Eventually, I came up with some real heavy artillery and suggested a piece of Traditional All Butter Scottish Shortbread. But only a triangular piece, broken off a one of those souvenir shortbread wheels (you know the ones that come in segments like a dartboard?). Using it as a dagger, I'd fancy myself against an ageing Willis and his Ginger Nut. We all agreed that this is probably the hardest biscuit; the Daddy; the top biscuit for a weapon.
I'm now thinking that a new kid might be on the block and the good NCOTAASD crew might be able to ponder this as a poll.
|Nicey replies: Stuart,
Good grief what a violent lifestyle you lead, we rarely get correspondence from people who have been disfigured by half a Rich Tea. In fact yours is the first.
As for Bruce Willis it's been my observation that in Die Hard films he can be repeatedly shot in various parts of his anatomy and yet still run around quite happily, therefore its going to require quite a substantial biscuit to take him down.
I have always thought that the thin Arrowroot would make quite an effective Ninja Star substitute as it's very hard and thin. Perhaps a hail of these might disable Mr Willis long enough for you to see him off with your shortbread petticoat tail (yes that's their proper name which doesn't sound quite so menacing)