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Jacob's Orange Club Review
Nicey replies: I used to use one of those binocular microscopes as a student to do insect dissections. I remember a fairly gross incident with a cockroach where its head, which I had been instructed to remove, crawled back into my field of view using its antennae. As I recall I spent the rest of the practical in the tea room dissecting a Jacob's Orange Club biscuit instead.

Anyhow sounds like you had a dream job there, although I'm not sure whose dream it was.

Rew Reynolds

McVities Milk Chocolate Digestive Review
Nicey replies: Mr Rew,

These are common problems faced by most office workers. The problem is the basic conflict between peoples individual preferences in tea and the need some people seem to have for their tea to be made for them. Personally I've always found large tea rotas to be a pain. As you point out the tea is often made by people with odd and unpalatable personal tea habits. Sometimes there is a tendency for too many cups of tea to made if the rota is large as people just like the excuse to slope off for a while on the pretence of performing the altruistic task of tea making.

I've always suspected that those who most vocally insist that everybody makes cups of tea for everybody else are in-fact missing the attention of their parents who probably waited on them hand and foot for years.

I've always preferred making my own tea, rather than having some teabag squeezer or too-much-milk type forcing some dreadful brew upon me. A small select micro-rota of no more than three people with those who I actually like and have trained to make tea correctly to my specifications is about as for it goes for me.

As for the biscuits this too is sadly inevitable. You'll need to tell everyone in no uncertain terms that they either take turns buying the biscuits or they can take a hike. They should respect your position on this one, and you'll have set the stage for you to dish out withering remarks about pinching biscuits to the transgressors, which should cheer you up.

Revd. Stephen Day
The FrenchHolidays

Cornish Fairings Review
Nicey replies: Hi Steve,

Thanks for the on the spot reporting on important Cornish biscuit matters. Lets hope they can sort it out.

We had a lovely time in France, no blisters although it may take some time to erase the psychological scaring of having to play mini-golf in torrential rain.

Here is a rousing picture of some cakes with France in the background, taken on the same day as the mini-golf incident.

Dave Grennall

Jam Sandwich Creams Review
Nicey replies: Good advance planning skills. Of course depending on how deadly the seminar is depends on how carefully you'll have to think about the biscuits. If its really really dull then almost anything fancier than a Rich Tea will lift your spirits. You probably want to keep things within in reason as truly inspiring biscuits might cause you to rise up the shackles of your oppressive seminar and slope off for an early lunch, there by getting you into trouble.

I'm thinking Jam and Cream sandwiches, as they have those little protective plastic trays. Also there is a lot of action in the Burtons Cadburys range right now and you should find something there that has been unexpectedly half coated in chocolate, and in need of investigation.

The French

Lu Petit Dejeuner Review
Nicey replies: Good luck in France - a couple of crates of Tea Bags, proper biscuits, Marmite, Marmalade, Baked Beans, Branston Pickle, Custard Powder, Mint Sauce, Horse Radish Sauce, assorted Curry paraphernalia and some proper fruitcake should get you through the first couple of months with your sanity intact. You'll just have to live on your wits if you want to find sensible bacon for a sandwich.

As for Gingernuts not a sign of them (refer to above!).

The Rev Stephen Day has extensive experience of Finland, as he was on a deep undercover mission out there for a couple of years as a telecomms type bloke. Being suitably clever he even claims to be able to read some of their biscuit packets too. Largely but not entirely unrelated, he reports back from a recent walking holiday in Cornwall that the Cornish Fairing is in big trouble once again.

As for 'Alors' I usually use that followed by a deep intake of breath when commencing any cake business in France. It sets the the tone nicely.