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Tunnocks Wafer Review
|Dear Nicey, |
Like previous contributors to your site I stumbled across it via the 4,000,000 Tunnocks Caramel Wafer biscuit question. Before visiting your site I could never imagine these fine Tea-time accompanyments selling more than just a few but the ratio per Scotsman heory has made me a believer.
Moving on I would like to ask if the DIY or home modified biscuit is a valid addition to your discussions. I remember when I was a small lad a chocolate digestive or any chocolate covered biscuit was a treat and not for the average tea-break. My brother and I using the little brains we had decided to 'spice' up the humble Rich Tea by covering them with Chocolate spread. We graduated onto nutella and Jam thus negating the expensive biscuit ban imposed by our mater. Could you suggest any other spreads that could be used in this manner as I am sure that there are many an ankle biscuit biter out there suffering this type of biscuit embargo.
Thanks for the excellent site.
|Nicey replies: Sounds like a good idea for a poll|
||Dear Nicey and the Wife,|
I’m glad to see that you have finally turned your attentions toward the doughnut which has been under represented on your site for some time.
Doughnuts are nut just something to have with a cup of tea (or coffee if you are American), but can be a good source of entertainment when things get a bit dull in the office.
Games such as eating a doughnut without licking your lips or a challenge to see who can polish off a bag of 10 doughnuts in the shortest time are, I’m sure, enjoyed by many people across the entire country.
I was recently informed of a new (to me at least) way to add an extra dimension to doughnut consumption. The method is to take a jam doughnut (chocolate or custard doughnuts will do just as well) and locate the hole through which the filling was added. Next, insert the nozzle of a squirty cream can into the hole and fill the doughnut to capacity. The doughnut is now ready to eat.
Make sure that you use a doughnut of reasonable quality, some of the cheaper ones will give under pressure and the cream will squirt out through holes or cracks in the doughnut surface. You should also use the thick squirty cream as the light version can be a bit watery.
|Nicey replies: Morning Keith,
Personally I can take or leave a Doughnut, even a really good one. However, re-inflating them with squirty cream does seem like a harmless passtime, providing its done in an environment high in wipe clean surfaces, perhaps the bath.
Lidl's Choco Softies Review
Having read your (very old, I know) review of the Lidl Choco Softie/ Super Dickmann and the attached feedback with interest, I'm astonished to find that non of my fellow country people have yet mentioned the ecological niche is DOES actually live in (after Carola already made clear which one it's definitely not in, namely that of the Tunnock's Tea Cake).
Now, the niche it IS in is - party food, thus probably partly reflecting the idea of sea side snack that someone opined. One of the main justifications of the Dickmann's existence is a kiddie party game that has kept German birthday boys and girls happy for generations named Negerkusswettessen (Dickmann Eating Competition). Each child is issued with a standard sized Super Dickmann/ Choco Softie and has to eat it of the plate without using their hands. The first one to finish wins. It's an extremely messy pastime, and great fun too. :-D
The other main ecological niche for the Dickmann is to provide sustenance for schoolchildren in the eight to 15 age bracket, here in the shape of the Negerkuss- or Matschbrötchen (Dickmann or Mud Roll). Here, a Dickmann is inserted between two halves of a roll and, squeezed flat and immediately eaten. Excellent schoolbus breakfast, particularly if your local bus stop happens to be outside a bakery - and yes, all over Germany bakeries readily cater for this demand, buying Dickmanns in if they don't make their own anyway. I recommend justifying your next Lidl run with necessary research into that concoction, I guarantee the younger members of staff will be nothing short of delighted. Also, I have to admit that even at the ripe old age of 32 I will occasionally get a packet of them and deftly insert them into rolls for consumption - I'm in Ireland now and bakeries here don't do them.
BTW - don't let anyone tell you the word Negerkuss has gone out of use. Of course it's extremely politically incorrect, but so far that hasn't stopped anyone from referring to that piece of confectionary by this name. Google "negerkuss" and see for yourself.
Tunnocks Tea Cake Review
|Fab website- I just love it!|
I have had a long relationship with the incomparable Tunnock's teacakes. As children my sister and I would take one out of its foil & dramatically smash it against our foreheads- that aim was for all of the chocolate on the top to smash into little pieces, with the minimum of mallow on forehead.
Needless to say tricky & lots of fun, but did (un)remarkably often result in sticky forehead.
So in my university years when secretary of Edinburgh University Ballroom Dancing society I KNEW the way to get people to sing up to our society was to entice them with a Tunnock's tea cake. So I wrote a nice begging letter to the factory (down the road in Uddingston) asking them for sponsorship money. They of course did not give us money- but wonder of wonders- they donated 50 catering size boxes of Tunnock's Teacakes. wow! were we pleased or what?! So the society's IT guy and I trundled off to the factory in his teeny 2CV to pick up our treasuerd 50 boxes. I never did get sick of them & still buy them for a treat.
By the way, since leaving home to go to university (in the cause of staying slim) I have never walked down the biscuit aisle of any supermarket- ever! So I still love the toffypops, uniteds and trio's of my childhood. However my fiance does not understand this! So for the sake of our future marriage & with the tutoring of ncotaasd I am going to re-ignite my interest in biscuits. Probably to the detriment of my waistline, though. Though I do work for Cadburys, so I dont have much hope really!
all the best,
|Nicey replies: Yes Tunnocks are utterly brilliant really, and they were very nice and helpful when we were writing the book. Be careful in that biscuit aisle, you have a lot of pent up biscuit tension there and it might get a bit graphic if you are suddenly re-exposed to them, especially in a public place.|
Tim Tam vs Penguin Review
Having only discovered your wonderful website yesterday, I already find myself penning my second message to you (or strictly speaking I suppose I'm keying it rather than penning it, not that I'm actually speaking, oh shut up John and get on with it). Don't worry, the messages won't keep coming at this rate, I'm just unloading the biscuit-related detritus that has accumulated in my brain with no outlet until now.
I noticed that your feedback contained quite a few references to Arnotts Australian biscuits, which reminded me of a shocking incident that I witnessed a while back. Well, it was shocking to me, though others may just see this as evidence of a very sheltered life.
I was in the throes of a very stressful professional experience involving barristers and cross-examination and some generally pretty hostile characters, but gained considerable comfort from the support of a very helpful and sympathetic backroom team. Until, that is, one Friday afternoon when I returned to our workroom from the interrogation chamber seriously concerned that my professional reputation might not last the weekend and in desperate need of help from my comrades.
Instead of the alert and eager team that I had expected to find, I came upon a scene of utter debauchery, with my colleagues slouched around panting and groaning in a state of post-orgasmic exhaustion. When I finally managed to get some sense out of them, I discovered that one of the team, a feisty young Australian woman, had introduced to the workroom as an end-of-week treat a packet of Arnotts Tim-Tams. She had then instructed her team-mates in a disgusting Antipodean ritual which involved biting off both ends of a Tim-Tam (similar to a Penguin for those who haven't come across them) and using it as a straw through which to drink their c*ff*e (you'll be glad to hear that such depraved characters aren't tea-drinkers). I, of course, as one who steers well clear of unapproved substances and practices, cannot vouch personally for the effects of this behaviour, but I felt it was my duty to warn your readers of its apparently devastating impact on a group of people of previous good character, including one I had previously thought of as particularly strait-laced.
I don't know whether this appalling practice would work with other forms of biscuit or beverage, but I would urge vigilance by parents when they see their offspring sneaking off to their bedrooms surreptitiously clutching Penguins and Coke.
|Nicey replies: Morning John,
Yes we have many graphic accounts of the TimTam slam on NCOTAASD, but none the less it must have been alarming to stumble upon such a scene. The link at the bottom of the Tim Tam review will take you through accounts of people slamming Twix's and Cadburys Fingers in addition to the Ozzy treat. If you choose the little space rocket icon in our search then you'll encounter messages concerning other bizarre biscuit eating techniques, such as blowing through Tunnocks Tea cakes much in the manner of egg collectors emptying eggs of their contents.