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On the subject of the pink wafer, I must say that in my opinion there should be sanctions on the sale of this product. I am very concerned that the biscuit market is being polluted and many young children are being indoctrinated with the idea that biscuits are all of similar unpleasant texture and flavour to the pink wafer.
To explain this I must relate to the tale of my first encounter with the pink wafer. When I was a young boy of about four I was at a friendís party. The classic array of kidís party food was accompanied by a plate of pink wafers. Not only were they true to their usual texture and taste but to make matters worse the plate had been left out for some time and the wafers had gone soggy, not the sogginess of a dunked digestive but an intensely distasteful sogginess which deprived the humble wafer of its only and defining quality - the crunchy flakiness.
I was, at this naive and impressionable age, lucky enough to attribute the intense displeasure experienced while consuming the wafer to the pink wafer itself. We all agreed that the wafers were disgusting but some of my friends were put off biscuits as a whole and instead favoured chocolate bars and cocktail sausages. I'm not even sure if they do sit down with spouses, or even alone to tea and biscuits upon occasion like all cultured and biscuitly enlightened people do. As a result the pink wafer must be banned (especially at parties due to the large concentration of impressionable youths and the poor standards of food hygiene) to protect our kids from lives that lack tea and biscuits.
(Aspiring to be tea and biscuit connoisseur in retirement)
It is nice to find that others take pleasure in the finer things in life (i.e. tea, biscuits and cakes)
|Nicey replies: Dear Mr Bricknel,
Thanks for having the courage to share that harrowing tale of pink wafer trauma with us. I only hope that people can learn from your troubling experience.
||Hello Mr Nicey, |
I am Mike Hands' 'Missus'(I believe he is one of your bigger fans). I am writing to you to reveal one of my deepest darkest secrets...one that not even Mike is aware of.
My secret is that when Mike goes out to work each morning, instead of getting on with my own work, as he assumes that I do, I reach for our 'treats' box at the back of the cupboard, put the kettle on and have a secret sit down and a biscuit ON MY OWN. (I know, shock horror, how could she do that...) I am telling you this because I think it vital that you know that my secret biscuit eating fest has led me to discover the joy of dunking a hob nob and a crumbling white chocolate cookie at the same time. Mmmmm, just think, you have that great oaty crunch of the hob nob combined with the buttery, melting texture of the cookie. It's just simply, really rather wonderful.
Now, the problem is that I don't like keeping secrets from Mike (and I know this one will really hurt) so I was kind of hoping you might post this message up on your website so Mike can hear it from you (so to speak). I think it might ease his pain and you never
know - he might even see a funny side to the whole situation.
Mike, if you do read this, you will realise that we don't have a ghost, it was me all along. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, but I just couldn't wait until you came home to have my nice sit down and a cup of tea.(Mr Nicey, I'm sure you would agree that 9 hrs is a long time to keep a lady waiting.)
Well, that's that...it feels much better to have it all out in the open now.
|Nicey replies: Missus Hands,
Your experiments with multi cake and biscuit eating combinations is now in danger of becoming an obsession, and is manifesting itself as clandestine munching. Remember a relationship is built on trust, not reading about personal biscuit stuff on random interwebby pages.
||In response to Toby, I'd just like to agree that Jaffa Cakes are cakes. The test is that if you leave biscuits uneaten they go soft and if you leave cakes uneaten they go hard. Jaffas go hard.|
Incidentally, on more of a sweets issue, did everyone know you can now get Jaffa sweets? They're like smarties but the shape of M&Ms and have orange chocolate in the middle. Yum.
|Nicey replies: Lucy,
Yes the moisture content and what happens to it is a good indicator of cakeness vs biscuitness, and has been used in a court of law as an argument against the government no less.
||at last, a biscuit site with a degree of proffesionalism, sincerity, and a ruthless commitment to the biscuit enthusiasts we all consider ourselves to be, it has long been a dream of mine to find a biscuit forum with balls, not afraid to out the biscuit fraudsters no matter who they work for, just one question, what is your stand on the whole jaffa cake debate, and should it get a mention on this site? I myself consider the jaffa cake to be just that- A CAKE, and although they are very tasty, with great texture, they DO NOT belong in the biscuit catergory...any other readers out there want to enter the debate?? any chaps keep up the good work, and having just discovered the site, i feel like i've just been reunited with a long lost oven baked brother|
|Nicey replies: Toby,
Simple they are cakes, small ones but cakes none the less. Check out the links along the top of the page 'Cake' and 'Biscuits', for my opinion and that of the Irish Inland revenue.
I can report that there are confirmed sightings (or should that be
smellings?) of Poverty-Related Paediatric Biscuit Aroma Syndrome as far
south as Crawley, West Sussex. I was an Avon lady for a while and I
definitely noticed the phenomenon when knocking on doors of houses whose
gardens were very scruffy.
By the way, I'm sure I remember eating Lemon Crunch Creams. They were a bit
like two abbey crunch (only crumblier) sandwiched with said tangy lemony
stuff. Anyone else?
|Nicey replies: Its always nice to get emails from ex-Avon Ladies. NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown has now officially recognised the phenomena PBAS by creating a small nose.|