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Oh dear me, you've twinged my conscience. We had our annual Hard Rubbish Collection, by Monash City Council, only a week ago. Being a procrastinator as well as a nice old gentleman, I haven't thrown out any of that sort of rubbish for about 20 years.
I scoured the junk room, nay, I almost emptied the junk room. I scoured the kitchen cupboards, and threw out about 15 old biscuit tins, including a most beautiful once-silvery one sent to me (full of the most delicious German spicy biscuits on edible rice paper) by a company in Nuremberg, when I worked in Zambia.
All this stuff was put out on what we call the nature strip (= grass verge, in England) the week before the collection. I watched as the kerb-crawlers came round, picking over the treasures. Two by two, all but two of those old tins were taken. Isn't it nice to think that they have not been orphaned, but are now in happy foster-homes?
In response to your comments about the poxy resealable containers certain biscuits are bought in, I feel drawn to point out that this is a conspiracy, as it is virtually impossible to find a decent biscuit tin these days. Many moons ago when leaving home for the first time, the only item I truly longed for was a biscuit tin to call my own. A proper one, barrel shaped made out of metal (thats why its a tin) with an entirely useless swinging handle and little knob on the top. The only things we could find were Tupperware or poncey ceramic things that were in no way airtight enough for safe biscuit storage. Tupperware, admittedly functional, has none of the charm of a proper tin which can be passed around and is so vile to look at it can ruin a nice sit down. Also Tupperware is what old ladies store leftovers in and then leave in the fridge forever. The idea of using it for biscuits is frankly not honourable. My tinless life only ended when the grandparents shuffled off to enjoy biscuits and sit downs in a less earthly realm, allowing me to inherit theirs. I have heard talk of people clinging on to selection tins in order to preserve biscuits but as this involves buying dodgy selections which heavily feature the pink wafer it is not to be encouraged. How can we ensure the future of proper tins?
|Fuhr David (Mr D)
||Fig rolls are the work of Beelzebub. Revolting chewy gungy things.|
They are also responsible for destroying the essential "al dente" nature of other biscuits. I once made the mistake of putting a single fig roll in a tin with biscuits of many other persuasions. Within 24 hours it had completed its satanic work - every other biscuit in there had gone all soggy and disgusting. And the fig roll was unchanged. I consider this to be proof that fig rolls are evil, and must be eradicated.
Also: You should be aware of Peperidge Farm "Nantucket" chocolate chip cookies. Oh. My. God. Expensive, very bad for you, but incredible.
|Nicey replies: Thank Fuhr David (Mr D) for your opinion. Of course the best way to eradicate Fig Rolls and prevent them altering the micro climate of the biscuit tin is simply to eat them all in one sitting. Presumably your chocolate chip cookies are expensive because they incur a journey to "Nantucket" to buy them.|
After having a nice, but rather rushed sit down, cup of Assam tea and a whole pack of Jaffa Cake Mini Rolls, I can categorically state they they are, indeed, without a shadow of a doubt, cakes. But, why the original Jaffa Cake wasn't just rolled up into a 'roll' to make a completley new and exiting cake is beyond me.
I think there is something very sinister about Mcvities turning everything we once held dear to our hearts, the very basis of our societies, our nice sit downs and cups of tea.. into Mini Rolls. I think this matter should be turned over to trading standards immediatley. The Mini Roll is slowly taking over. I bet within six months to a year, Jaffa Cakes will be phased out, to be replaced by evil, inferior, Jaffa flavoured Mini Rolls. I for one mourn the fat cattedness of McVities. May their 'lets turn every bloody thing into a mini roll' philosophy burn in the fiery gingernut pits of Hades.
|Nicey replies: Don't worry Huw the Mini Roll is a spent force, peaking over twenty five years ago in mid 70's when it enjoyed a high status along with many other now dated products such as Angel Delight and Surprise freeze dried peas. Many still dabble in the format, but the nation has moved on.
What worries me more is the tinkering that McVities are under taking with their product range as a whole. Last week I was forced to buy HobNobs in some kind of elaborate Pringles alike resealable cannister, at a price which was surely inflated due to the pointless cannister. I have no desire to add to the rubbish to be bulldozed in a land fill with a stupid little cannister thing. That's what a biscuit tin is for!
To make matters worse a friend bought me a packet of Mini Hobnobs so I could assess the biscuits as sweets thing. The little packet contained 8 mini Hobnobs each with a diameter of approx 34mm as opposed to 67 for the full size. After a some quick calculations it transpires that these wretched little biscuit-ettes were over twice as expensive as even their canister brethren.
So what's happening here? we are all being taken for a ride as United Biscuits try and wring out more cash from us using their well loved brands that were established via the honest and noble medium of a the packet of biscuits. This is short term gain but long term folly, as I fear the brands themselves will loose their sense of connection to people, which begins at a young age. The younger members of the NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown staff won't be raised on Mini-Hobnobs or those from a stupid cannister that's for sure. So what value is that brand going to be to them in 15 years time? Not much.
||Hallo you Nice person!|
And how are you on this fine and dandy day? I am all hunkydory and would love to follow up Will Shaws comment about the Pink Panther Pink Wafer biscuits and I do agree, they are simply supurb! Whilst during my G.C.S.E revision I found that these were the best things to get my mind working and to make you feel happy when not! And when dunked in a cup of steaming pot made tea it was simply the best thing in the world! Also the good old party rings are pretty damn fine too! Just thought I should stand up for the good old pink wafers as what have they ever done to you?! Tsk!
|Nicey replies: Rachel,
Sure, at first Pink Wafers can seem like a bit of a laugh, but they often lead on to nastier harder biscuits like the 'Nice' or possibly even 'Morning Coffee', and I'm sure even a GCSE student would know where to get hold of biscuits like that. Can you be sure you know what's in them, have you read the packet? Do you even know what makes them pink?
Yes its all pretty scary now.