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Coconut Cream Review
I was just reading your review of the Coconut Cream, and felt compelled to point out that while it is lamentable that there appears to be a demonstrable lack of cream in any real sense, it is possible to replicate the creamy biscuit/cake crossover experience. Put your Coconut Creams under the grill for a few moments; not only have you achieved the holy grail of encroaching-winter-tea-accompaniment-snacking – the hot biscuit – but you get to enjoy the delightful juxtaposition of slightly crispy sugary coating and soft creamy innards.
It’s really quite hard to get it right though, and you may ruin a fair few biscuits before you get there…
Fox's Brandysnaps Review
|Hi Nicey, Wifey and Younger Members of Staff|
Mmmm, brandysnaps.....I made an interesting discovery last Christmas. As you say, these snaps are very fragile, and trying to introduce anything into their cavity is fraught with danger. But fear not, all is not lost. If you buy one of those aerosol cans of squirty cream, you can inject cream all the way through (maybe approaching from one end at a a time if you're feeling a little nervous at the thought of creaming the entire kitchen) and Hey Presto, cream filled Brandy Snaps! Of course, they have to be eaten IMMEDIATELY, because that squirty stuff goes liquid very quickly, so there isn't really a chance to share them with anyone, and anyway, eating them can be a slightly messy event so you would really rather not have anyone else around anyway. Delish!
All the best, keep up the good work,
|Nicey replies: You can get squirty Brandy Butter cream too, but perhaps such a combination is actually fatal, hence the Raspberry to just take the edge off.|
McVities Milk Chocolate Digestive Review
|Dear Mr Nicey,|
We have just made a very interesting (Friday afternoon) discovery in the office.
It is physically impossible to eat a chocolate digestive biscuit upside down. (i.e.. the biscuit with the chocolate coated side facing floorwards)
It messes with your head.
The brain/tongue immediately posts a message that the biscuit should be returned to it's correct orientation immediately, the texture of the chocolate on the lower teeth is most disturbing.
I am interested in obtaining a grant to investigate this anomaly further, any idea which establishments might be interested in assisting me? I reckon I need around £500K to start with, just to cover my basic expenses etc, mainly tea and biscuits.
|Nicey replies: I would say you have a strong case there for funding. Of course the nightmare scenario is that some unfriendly foreign power realises that they could build a weapon of terror hat would bring Britain to its knees based on upside down biscuits, a bit like those WWII exploding Tinned Plums a few weeks back.|
Jammie Dodger Review
|Reading your review of Jammie Dodgers, you say "This also makes attempts to part both biscuits somewhat futile, due to the adhesive jam". However following the biccy barrel being replenished, I discovered the elusive technique. Gripping one shortcake biscuit in each hand, one simply twists each biscuit in opposing directions, therefore stretching the jam until breaking point. The method wasn't 100% successful, the bottom biscuit has a tendency to crack if you try to pull the biscuits apart whilst twisting, but the majority of the time, i was successful. The anticlimax to all this however is that the jam is impossible to lick off wach shortcake half, rendering the process rather pointless, unless one desires to stick jammy dodger halves to the wall, in a sort of baked treat dado rail...|
Tunnocks Tea Cake Review
|Hello Nicey and Wifey|
It was very of Andy Ley to ask after me. I am delighted to report that the Tunnocks Tea Cake Fountain Experiment was an enormous success. I carefully chose the correct time of day and atmospheric conditions and asked a doctor to be present. I pierced two small holes in the teacake exactly 180 degrees apart. I used a straightened paperclip. This gives exactly the right amount of control over the size of the hole you are making. I also have lots of paperclips on my desk, which is handy. I then carefully raised the teacake, with the holes correctly aligned, to my lips. I blew. I then carefully lowered the teacake and turned it round to examine the hole opposite to the one I had blown in. The medical man and I were enormously gratified to see that a stream of white foamy gooey stuff had emerged from the hole and was snaking down the teacake.
Sadly I have stopped being a high powered lawyer in that particular PLC kind of place and have come to be one in another PLC kind of place where, would you believe it, they stopped giving staff free biscuits and started giving them fruit instead.