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||I note with great regret the sheer ignorance of some biscuit reviewers. Technology has, for many years, been applied to biscuit development and the Wagon Wheel was the initial giant leap. I have concerned myself for many years with biscuit technology and it is my company that is responsible for the Wagon Wheel coating. Biscuit Technology plc (or BT) is a hugely advanced operation and you may have seen our grey vans around.|
Our main laboratory (situated in Rhyl) developed, after research spanning 128 years, a method of electroplating biscuits with a chocolate compound. The compound is simply chocolate mixed with particles of lead ethersulphate de-oxyphospherhydroplasma. When the 'Wheel is dipped in the solution and a current passed through it, the electrons in the chocolate become warmer and are attracted to stale produce. The result is 'chocolate plating' and the other chemicals are lost (mostly) in the process.
We were approached by the Product Development Steering Committee from Burton's with a view to developing a high-performance waterproof biscuit covering. Our brief consisted only of the fact it must be brown, chocolatish and be able to deflect heat, infra-red light and water. Initial tests were performed off-site at a secret military base in Tahiti where casualties would be lower than one would expect when testing such a biscuit finish.
Obviously we cannot divulge the exact nature of the tests as they fall within the official secrets act but it is safe to say that casualties were minimised and only a handful suffered side effects from consuming the wrapper aswell. We are committed to developing high-performance, high-quality advanced biscuit finishes and it is such a shame that there is a blissful ignorance of our nationally important research and development. In the furtherance of biscuit technology even Microsoft can't touch us lot.
Watch out for the vanadium-plated cybergestive coming soon and the new range of anodised custard chromes. Also available at the end of the century will be touch-sensitive software- driven bourbots that are so small they are invisible to the human eye.
|Nicey replies: I was not aware of that.|
||Re Email from Iris|
The biscuits she refers to were called "Milk & Honey Creams" and were indeed a product by Huntley & Palmers and yes the cut out was oval.
Does anyone remember Milk Maid creams or something similar. The packaging had a picture of a milkmaid and the biscuits were small round and sugar glazed and cream filled?
|Nicey replies: Ah, some sort of Biblical reference. I've always thought the land of Milk and Honey, would be quite a messy place to live, and I'm sure it would get really pongy in the hot weather.|
|Iris Leaton Webb
||Huntley and Palmer honey and cream biscuits do not ring a bell???? The were the Ur Biscuit, custard creams on steroids.... And, if I remember correctly (and the hallucinogens have not done irreparable damage...) they had a nice oval cut-out bit. Class.|
My husband and I also remember the Barmouth. An exceptionally crisp buttery biscuit akin to the crispy variety of langue du chat - but round. Very dark brown on the edges, golden in the centre, slightly shiny and melting in texture - probably a melted mixture rather than a pastry type. I may even have a recipe for them somewhere....
Rich Osborne?? Don't you mean Butter Osbornes??
And Ice gems - biscuits or sweets?? Candidate for The Smallest Biscuit Known??
|Nicey replies: Iris,
Thank you for those many important insights. I think I vaguely recall a sort of jam and cream sandwich alike with pale brown sludge in that might have been the honey and cream. Yes, I concur on Butter Osbournes, I'm sure you're right.
If we could track down a living Barmouth biscuit that would be fantastic.
Iced Gems are nasty.
||Nicey, firstly may I say thank you for your link to Yorkshire Tea, I have had a |
good sit down since the postman knocked, only once though. Anyway, to that end I have a question that you may be able to answer. Should I put the milk in before the water or after? So far I have been a 'milk after' person, but I was wondering if other readers could shed a little light on this most pressing subject, after all, to have a nice cup of tea and a good sit down I want all the facts.
|Nicey replies: Well you know I don't like to make edicts about tea. However, in this instance the rules are quite simple milk in last unless you are having your tea in a cup and saucer and have made a pot, in which case it is considered best to put the milk in first.
You can put it in first for other methods but it is considered technically wrong. However that may be how you prefer it. Tony from the Fig fest likes it milk first and accepts that he is technically wrong on this one.
|Re Marie biscuits: I believe they were designed to be The Biscuit You Have When You're Not Having A Biscuit... for vicars and curates; genteel elderly ladies; people who are recuperating after they've been poorly; and those in our midst who really don't want to appear to be too ostentatious in their tastes. And dunkers, of course, because there are no nasty little excrescences which fall off and float round in an otherwise nice cup of tea, are there?|
|Nicey replies: That's right Brian they are hardly worth getting out of the packet really. Although there was that chap somebody told me about, that used to cycle to India once a week to get his Marie biscuits (He used to live about 5 miles away in Bangladesh).|