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Tim Tam vs Penguin Review
|Nicey, you are a gentleman and no mistake to ascribe so many virtues to the Tim Tam, however we New Zealanders, living as we do in constant biscuit imperialism directed at us from the other side of the Tasman sea, know all about the shortcomings of Australian products which are continually foisted on to our shelves to replace superior local and British products. The Australians are even extending their usual cultural rapine to claim that fine original New Zealand products, such as the Anzac biscuit, the Pavlova and Hokey-Pokey ice cream are their own! We are quite content for them to claim Rolf Harris, but wish them to own up to their greedy colonisation of talent and inspiration. However, it was nice to see your tongue firmly in your cheek when you claimed to be aware of modest Australians. Cheers, Barry Newman|
Something has been bothering me for quite some time now, and you seem like the right chap to ask; the Claire Raynor of biscuits if you will. Why is it that Ginger Nuts are called Ginger Nuts? They clearly contain no nuts, the only other conclusion I can draw is that the name is communicating a crrrrrazy enthusiasm for the ginger flavour - I hope you will not confirm these fears as it's so crap I feel it will dint my enthisiasm for the aforementioned biscuit.
|Nicey replies: Liza,
Thank you for your mail, unfortunately I can offer no explanation other than the one I am about to make up. The gingernut is so called because its hard like a nut, and you sort of have to crack them to eat them like nuts. We have been eating lots of Gingernuts recently and I was waiting to answer your mail until I felt I had eaten enough of them to give you a really good answer.
||Paris - it's the city of love, it's a stroll by the Seine, it's a wet afternoon looking at the masterpieces in the Louvre, it's a Depardieu film, it's a girl in a miniskirt offering to do all sorts of interesting-sounding stuff for not a lot of money.|
Yes, it's all these things, but it's more, much more. It's the place where there are lots of shops selling Lu Petit Beurre biscuits. With the appearance of a Morning Coffee on steroids, and the buttery smell of... well, a packet of butter, it's rich and crispy, it's dunkable and satisfying. It's a Brigitte Bardot of Biscuits!! It's a (someone beginning with "S") of Snacks!
And you can eat lots of them without having to point to stuff on menus and get condescended to by some garlic-smelling waiter with greasy hair.
|Nicey replies: Its a such a pity that Petit Beurre taste so completely dismal. I'm off to the land of Petit Beurre this week, with my stock of PG Tips bags in tow, fingers crossed I won't be forced to eat any Petit Beurre. Maybe if we find ourselves in a bizarre and contrived survival situation that involves them then I'll consider it.|
|Ms Ginger Snaps
||I have just discovered a fabulous chocolate covered biscuit (the correct term I think). They are Sainsbury's own brand and a variety of their 'King' bar. These ginger bars are just fab as the biscuit inside is not the hard and frightening ginger nut type, but a crumblier biscuit more often found in the Breakaway or similar. Not only this, but the ginger taste is refreshing and tastes more like the root than the spice. An impressive own brand creation which I shall be buying more of.|
|Dear biscuit lovers,|
When was the last time you had a penguin? Although the flavour is the same that is not my concern. They have removed the joke from the wrapper! This is an outrage, this is part of the tradition of eating a penguin- reading out the crap joke. Yes I said crap, of course the jokes are crap, they are below the level of Christmas cracker jokes! but they are one of the things in life we thought was sacred,reliable,dependable-not any more. They have replaced the "joke" with gems like this"Make your penguin last longer .......use only your tongue to eat it" What is that? I refuse to eat another penguin until this matter is rectified. I have banned penguins from the house....yes that is how strongly I feel about it. I am thinking about starting a campaign on this subject and I know that everybody out! there who has any of that old "we shall stand and fight for your rights" rebelious streak left in them, will join me in this cause. We will storm the gates of Mcvities and demand to see the King penguin. Resistance will be futile. The penguin "joke will be returned at all costs, Governments may fall, country,s may crumble but we will succeed. So come on stand up and make yourself heard shout from the rooftops "Mcvitie return our ditty even although they were shitty"
Jeff the pengiun protecter.
|Nicey replies: Actually I thought the jokes were a fairly recent innovation. I remember Penguins when they came in proper foil paper wrappers red, green or blue, that was it. The entertainment lay in choosing the colour you liked most.|