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Tim Tam vs Penguin Review
|TIM TAM MESS(AGE)|
Lizzie age over 30
Paul age over 40
Chloe age 13 and 2 days
Elise age 8
First of all I have to say that following my family's TIM TAM SLAM taste test, the following guidelines should be made widely available to other folk -
1 Tea must be very hot - any cooler and the results are not reliable.
2 Make sure that you bite off diagonal corners - failure to bite off the correct bits will leave the taster in a state of unenlightenment.
3 Suck tea vigorously and noisily through the biscuit, only practice tells you the right time to stop, although any longer than three seconds will almost certainly cause the biscuit to implode into a chocolatey mess.
4 Under nines should only carry out a TIM TAM SLAM test under the supervision of an adult due to the difficulty in removing chocolate stains from clothes and carpets.
Nevertheless. fun was had by all, the Tim Tams were excellent and no creatures including penguins were injured or harmed in any way during the test proceedures.
|Colonel ButterScotch OBE DSC MM
I was delighted to peruse your site after having recently seen coverage of it in the daily periodicals to which I subscribe. It is indeed excellent and informative and a proper use of this new electro-telegram-mail that is popular with the young nowadays. However I was scandalised to read your rather disparaging review of the bourbon biscuit. Having been in a variety of institutions in my life where the tea and biscuits budget does not stretch to fancy dan "abbey crunch" or similar nonsense, the bourbon is the king of biscuits.
It's stout cocoa flavour and smooth cream feeling combined in a satisfyingly larger biscuit for the hungry person is divine. Two bourbons and a nice hot tea is as close an approximation of heaven on god's earth as YOU ARE LIKELY TO SEE! You may feel the bourbon lacks something but it is the very steadfastness of its flavour and unerring dedication to duty that is its strength.
Keep up the good work,
I remain your ob'dent servant,
Colonel ButterScotch OBE DSC MM
||I have to say that tea has never tasted better than from a nice enamelled tin mug. Curiously, if it is stained internally from the tannin of previous muggas and the rim is chipped leaving a mark similar to that of a broken smartie so much the better. Does the team concur or am I completely out on a limb on my own with this one?|
|Nicey replies: Yay,
My Dad had one of those cream coloured with a green rim and chips our of it just as you described. They sound like noble beasts don't they. I think you would have to make the tea in pan over a camping stove to really be authentic.
||At last, the rules for tea brewing can be read for everyone to learn from. Do you agree with them?|
|Nicey replies: Yes I was almost on Sky News yesterday talking about it but the piece got pulled at the last minute due some real news occurring. Still its not everyday that one has a live broadcast Satellite Uplink truck parked outside your house. Hoorah!
Anyhow the whole story is largely absurd and comes down to the denaturation of proteins that we discussed here over the weekend with Michael Barkers message. I favour milk in first if taking tea from a pot and I'm familiar with all the pieces of equipment involved. Otherwise it is a risky strategy, that can result in too much milk, so if you are unsure of quantities, milk in last. The tea will probably cooled enough to make this work OK.
However, given that most tea drunk in the work place is made in mugs, then milk in last is really the only sensible option, so a good thick mug can be an assert here as it brings the tea temperature down quickly. You can accuse me of being uncultured but I think that you can make some really good tea in a mug. Milk in with the tea bag is horrid, but some people like it like that.
I would say that the boiling water bit is more important, Orwell is at pains to point this out.
Finally the best way to make tea, is to make it how you like it! Simple really.
||Dear comrade Nicey,|
Tea Club Fundamentalists (south west branch) would like to offer solidarity with brother Fussell's report on the dark cuppa enigma.
Intensive research by our tea of crack researchers have concluded the problem lies with the actual glaze of the cup itself which results in the unsavoury resulting brew. Regular high gloss glaze combined with the dark colouring of said receptacle appears to create a minute but perceptible
drain on the space time continuum which manifests itself as a low yield satisfaction grade cuppa.
Further evidence supporting this has been provided by Mrs Diggle who recently purchased some dark, but matt finish mugs which provide decent sustenance - if additional supervision and handling is maintained during the brewing process. It has also been noted that extra brewing time as well as milk helps this anomaly more palatable.
Tea Club Fundamentalists (south west branch)