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Sunday 5 May 2002

I fear I am going to upset some of you, but I have an opinion of the Bourbon biscuit, some what similar to that of Jennifer Lopez. Both are when described sound lovely and are greatly admired. However I find my self somewhat underwhelmed. I often feel that I'm missing the point with the Bourbon biscuit and by rights should like it a lot more than I do. However, I find that Iwill frequently pass it over , frequenting as it does biscuit assortments, in favor of biscuits with apparently lesser charms. I can quite imagine that some people think that this is about as good as it gets, I'm just not one of them. None the less I still have a great deal of respect for the Bourbon, being as it were one the elder statesmen of the biscuit tin, and showing the Johnny come lately biscuits a thing or two about biscuit design.

The one shown here is a Crawfords Bourbon, also well known for their Custard Creams. As you can see these bourbons have excellent embossing and the regulation ten holes, and you can clearly make out the little sugar crystals embedded in it.

There is good sport to had breaking Bourbons apart to get at their chocolate cream filling, with points being scored for precision and full marks going to complete removal of the cream as a single entity.

Bourbons are also reassuringly uniform in size regardless of the manufacturer. Perhaps Bourbon biscuits could form the basis of an SI unit of measurement, with biscuits being measured in Bourbons e.g. the digestive has a diameter of 1.13 bourbons, or that ocean liner is 7.6 kilobourbons long, or wavelength of light emitted by that Argon/Krypton laser is 46.1 nanobourbons. I'm sure you see what I'm getting at.

 Your feedback 29 messages

Rich Tea Finger Cream

Wednesday 24 Apr 2002

This one has kind of jumped the queue of biscuits waiting for review, however, I was so repulsed by its name I had to review it.

As you can all guess, I'm sure, its a couple of rich tea fingers with some cream up the middle. Its a bit dry and really not up to the usual high standard of 'must eat' biscuits that Fox's are known for. The packaging advises that the biscuits shown are not actual size, which is good. Probably they have had problems with this issue since 1853 when they were Est. with punters being upset or let down by biscuit dimensions.

So why am I bothering with this unremarkable biscuit? Well its the name. Finger Cream. Generally elongated parts of the body and dairy products when put together conjure unpleasant images. Finger cream, implies that this is cream that has been scrapped from fingers. The thought of a hypothetical chocolate covered version whilst probably a much better biscuit, is sullied by its inevitable name of "Chocolate Finger Cream". Eeeew.

Sort it out Fox's, use "Cream Finger".


Jammie Dodger

Wednesday 1 May 2002 has been deluged by your mails urging us for a Jammie Dodger review. So here it is, but don't expect us to go easy on it just because it is held in deep affection by you lot.

Jammie Dodgers are made by Burton's biscuits, who produce a wide range of biscuits but are best known for their highly individual brands like Jammie Dodgers, Waggon Wheels and Viscount, all iconic biscuits and brands in their own rights.

Jammie Dodgers, are simple in concept a sandwich of 'jam' and two shortcake biscuits with a heart shaped whole in the upper biscuit to reveal the jam. The Jam is billed as raspberry flavour but is infact made from plums and assorted chemicals, presumably because actual raspberry jam wasn't up to the biscuit engineering task of adhering the two biscuits together. This also makes attempts to part both biscuits somewhat futile, due to the adhesive jam.

The biscuit itself has undergone some changes. Recently they have become somewhat paler in colour, and with this slightly softer. Also the original heart shaped embossing has been replaced by jammy splashes so as to reinforce to the eater that jam plays a pivotal role in this biscuit. The heart shaped hole now seems like a throw back to a earlier time in the headlong rush to reposition the biscuit, with old references to the Queen of Hearts baking some tarts being consigned to the biscuits tins of history.

Recent promotional schemes dreamed up by Saatchi and Saatchi involving mythical Jam Wrestlers, frankly did little to bring this classic brand to new generation of biscuit eaters. It was all a bit crap really, let the biscuit speak for itself, that's what we say.

 Your feedback 5 messages