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Malted Milk Review
Unless I am mistaken I am unable to find a review of the milk chocolate covered version of the ever-popular malted milk biscuit on your site.
As a fan of both chocolate digestive (plain mind you) and malted milk, the chocolate version represents the highlight of my morning.
Until I introduced him to it, my financial consultant had never even heard of the product (and he's 29). It has changed the way he enjoys his hot beverages.
Mind you, Sainsburys are partly to blame too. Their own-label biscuit isle comprises the usual favourites (Morning coffee, digestive, rich tea, nice and malted milk) but the chocolate version is inexplicably situated in the "organic"section some twenty feet away.
As a test, when questioned, even a member of staff was unaware of the location or possibly the existence of the chocolate version.
A review will surely bring a much deserved promotion to this product and put pressure on Sainsbury's to give this jewel in the biscuit crown the recognition it deserves.
They're only 92p, which, granted, is some 20-30p more than their non-choc equivalents, but still comfortably undercuts the brand name chocolate lines.
|Nicey replies: You are of course correct the Chocolate Malted milk is a wonderful biscuit, essentially a Malteaser rendered in the medium of biscuit, I shall try and fit it in its own right. As you point out there are those who are entirely unaware of its existance.
Your Sainsburys must have unilaterally lost the plot, ours puts them next to the other halfcovered biscuits.
||Dearest Mr. Nicey,|
I would like to add some gravity to your site's seeming frivolity in regard to the matter of basic biscuit / cake taxonomy. The matter of "is the Jaffa Cake a biscuit" has taxed the brains of the best lawyers the European Union can offer for many years (and I use the word "taxed" advisedly viz.).
The issue has now reached a critical juncture. Due to the different tax legislation regarding the sale of biscuits and cakes it would appear that those people (including yourself), who idly refer to the Jaffa Cake biscuit as a "cake" simply because it has the word "cake" in it's title, could be the "footstep of doom" for many biscuit manufacturers across Europe.
Should the designation of this sponge, orange jelly stuff and plain chocolate confection biscuit be changed from "biscuit" to "cake" then all manufacturers handlers and distributors of said confections will have to pay vast amounts of back tax (estimated at over 30Bn Euros). Such a burden would see the closure of many of Europe's finest biscuit manufacturers and emporia.
We would then have the EU stepping in to centrally manufacture a standard Eurobisc which would be the only commercially available biscuit in Europe. This would inevitably lead to a black market in crunchy comestibles; just think, underground biscuit ovens everywhere. Don't let this nightmare happen, it's not just a biscuit, it's a way of life.
Biscuit Law Partner
Honbob, Borbun and Dunk Solicitors
|Nicey replies: Dear Mr Doyle,
First I'd like to say how much we enjoyed watching that Spitfire you had earlier this year, the younger members of staff now rate Spitfires as highly as F16s which is praise indeed.
Second as for the Jaffa cake, we certainly do that the matter seriously. Your argument seems a little adrift in places so here we go with the first Jaffa Cake mail of 2004. There are a number of reasons why the Jaffa Cake is a cake and as such the bakers of Europe may rest easy in their beds.
1) As you point out, and as we have popularised, it is called a CAKE.
2) Very very importantly it is made from cake, sponge cake to be precise. This obviously has huge bearing on its status as a cake.
3) Yes yes yes it goes hard when stale, just like a cake, (which it is) not like biscuits which go soft (unless its a Fig Roll or some other biscuit which goes hard etc).
4) It has been deemed to be cake by a law tribunal some years ago now.
5) It has a moisture content consistent with that of a cake, (because it is a cake)
6) Its a little itty-bitty cake
Yes we are aware that it likes to be seen with biscuits, and yes they are about the same size and come in similar packets.
Happy Faces Review
|Glad to see you reviewing one of my favourite examples of the biscuit-makers' art! |
Several years ago, when I worked in an office, two of my colleagues and I used to regularly demolish a whole pack of these lovely biscuits of an afternoon. We used to compete as to who had the most evil-faced biscuit. We found some of them were rendered quite sinister by the placement of the jam! We used, in fact, to refer to them as "Evil Faces".
As you might have guessed, I left this job soon after, as I was far too bored - the biscuits were the only thing that kept me going. The result was that I did put on quite a lot of weight! Perhaps you could review the Weight Watchers biscuits soon - Sultana and Cinnamon is quite tasty, as is the Ginger variety. Both tend toward the crispy and chewy, but I quite enjoy this!
Yours, in the pure love of a woman for her biscuit,
|Gordon J. Lowe
Well, this biscuit is one of my friend's favourite biscuits. I used to pop down on a Saturday evening to his and his girlfriend's house for a NCOTAASD and the Abernethys came out. We knew we were rocking then. A mug of tea, an Abernathy and Red Hot Chili Peppers on the stereo and the threat of work in the morning was forgotten. Great!
Anyway, I just wanted to say they are really good dunking biscuits, albeit fragile. More than second dunk would be foolhardy. Don't say I haven't warned you.
Gordon J. Lowe
|Nicey replies: Hurrah for Abernethy biscuits. I like the way the holes in them are sort of oval rather than round, like lots of little navels probably.
Jacob's Orange Club Review
|With reference to the discussion about Clubs - my friend and I used to make "magic mirrors" with the wrappers when we were little (this would have been in the early 80's). We would flatten out the paper outer tube, and then wrap it in the silver paper in the same way you wrap a present. We used to see who could make the smoothest mirror - you still couldn't see yourself in it, too many greasy fingerprints, but we thought they were magic anyway... happy days...|
|Nicey replies: That's a wonderful account of why biscuit wrappers are not just packaging.