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Rich Tea Finger Cream

Wednesday 24 Apr 2002

This one has kind of jumped the queue of biscuits waiting for review, however, I was so repulsed by its name I had to review it.

As you can all guess, I'm sure, its a couple of rich tea fingers with some cream up the middle. Its a bit dry and really not up to the usual high standard of 'must eat' biscuits that Fox's are known for. The packaging advises that the biscuits shown are not actual size, which is good. Probably they have had problems with this issue since 1853 when they were Est. with punters being upset or let down by biscuit dimensions.

So why am I bothering with this unremarkable biscuit? Well its the name. Finger Cream. Generally elongated parts of the body and dairy products when put together conjure unpleasant images. Finger cream, implies that this is cream that has been scrapped from fingers. The thought of a hypothetical chocolate covered version whilst probably a much better biscuit, is sullied by its inevitable name of "Chocolate Finger Cream". Eeeew.

Sort it out Fox's, use "Cream Finger".


Jammie Dodger

Wednesday 1 May 2002 has been deluged by your mails urging us for a Jammie Dodger review. So here it is, but don't expect us to go easy on it just because it is held in deep affection by you lot.

Jammie Dodgers are made by Burton's biscuits, who produce a wide range of biscuits but are best known for their highly individual brands like Jammie Dodgers, Waggon Wheels and Viscount, all iconic biscuits and brands in their own rights.

Jammie Dodgers, are simple in concept a sandwich of 'jam' and two shortcake biscuits with a heart shaped whole in the upper biscuit to reveal the jam. The Jam is billed as raspberry flavour but is infact made from plums and assorted chemicals, presumably because actual raspberry jam wasn't up to the biscuit engineering task of adhering the two biscuits together. This also makes attempts to part both biscuits somewhat futile, due to the adhesive jam.

The biscuit itself has undergone some changes. Recently they have become somewhat paler in colour, and with this slightly softer. Also the original heart shaped embossing has been replaced by jammy splashes so as to reinforce to the eater that jam plays a pivotal role in this biscuit. The heart shaped hole now seems like a throw back to a earlier time in the headlong rush to reposition the biscuit, with old references to the Queen of Hearts baking some tarts being consigned to the biscuits tins of history.

Recent promotional schemes dreamed up by Saatchi and Saatchi involving mythical Jam Wrestlers, frankly did little to bring this classic brand to new generation of biscuit eaters. It was all a bit crap really, let the biscuit speak for itself, that's what we say.

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Fruit Shortcake

Saturday 23 Mar 2002

Pure class in a biscuit, the fruit shortcake delivers a great deal of biscuit punch for a mid range biscuit, which is often seen as a low end biscuit.

The clever distribution of fruit and the crust of sugar granules which ramps up the sugar content make this quite unlike any other shortcake based biscuit. The unwary biscuit eater may easily work their way through half a packet of these beguiling little biscuits before they realise it.

The edge detail and the patterning on the back also serve to give this biscuit an almost frilly, harmless look that is very disarming, and again can lead to very high numbers of biscuits being consumed.

Best eaten alone, to avoid ugly scenes as you fight over the last one.

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