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Your e-Mails

Barry Newman	Dear Nicey, Alan Wheatley and Brian Barratt`s stumbling efforts to cover up a military disaster in World War 1 which was caused by Biscuit Deprivation (now recognised as a medical problem) are not to be countenanced. The true facts that have emerged after long and painstaking research are as follows; the Gallipoli campaign was delicately poised and New Zealanders of the Wellington regiment under colonel Malone had won the heights of Chunuk Bair, a commanding position and one that, if held, would turn the enemy into a helpless gibbering mob as seen at many Australian pubs. After sustained pressure all the New Zealanders needed were more grenades of a new type, round and flat with a rough coat on the outside to enhance it`s camouflage. 20 boxes of these were sent up to Chunuk Bair, passing on the way through the Australian trenches. Yes, you`ve guessed it-- the Aussies thought they were biscuits and 3 boxes were consumed before the terrible effects of these ''biscuits'' were unleashed on the hapless and dim Ockers. The New Zealanders never got the required ordinance and had to relinquish their hard won position. Ever since, the Anzac biscuit has been baked by New Zealanders as a reminder of the greed and tendencies of our ''cousins'' across the ditch. It resembles the original grenade, but tastes much better-- that is in New Zealand. We gave the Aussies the recipe for the grenade. Cheers, Barry Newman.
Brian Barratt	Dear Nicey,   Alan Wheatley's dismissal of Anzac biscuits, which are akin to the soma of the gods, is really not fair.   The oats from the stable floor are pre-softened by natural processes, often pre-used, as it were, for extra digestibility.   Those army socks are shredded only by devoted sock-shredders with years of experience in their art. Never has wool been pulled over their eyes. Furthermore, the socks are made from genuine Australian wool with absolutely no artificial ingredients such as rayon, nylon or teflon.   As for the toe-nail cuttings, it's all lies, I tell you! The clippings provided by Officers and Gentlemen were actually boiled down in billycans to make a nourishing high fibre broth for Other Ranks. The clippings from Other Ranks were fed to the horses, adding rich calcium and carotein content to the pre-digested oat-output.   Er, New Zealand? What is that, then?   Yours, etc.,   An Anzac Devotee
Alan Wheatley	Greetings Nicey from 'im down under, There's no doubt in my mind that the most cosmopolitan biscuit ever made has to be the Anzac, a blend of old oats retrieved from the stalls of pack-horses, shredded army socks and possibly toe-nail cuttings to add some crunch. Anzac biscuits are reputed to have been consumed by Australian and New Zealand troops besieging Gallipoli during WW1. They are given as a major reason for the humiliating defeat of these soldiers. Nevertheless, Anzac biscuits have gone on to make Australia (I can't speak for New Zealand. In fact, no-one ever speaks of New Zealand) the cupofteaandagoodliedownwithabex centre for the world's biscuit lovers. For complete ignorami, a Bex is, or was, a white powder said to contain an analgesic. Which you will need if you actually manage to consume a whole Anzac biscuit.
	Nicey replies: Alan, Thank you for those compelling reasons to try Anzac biscuits.
Barry Newman Tim Tam vs Penguin Review	Nicey, you are a gentleman and no mistake to ascribe so many virtues to the Tim Tam, however we New Zealanders, living as we do in constant biscuit imperialism directed at us from the other side of the Tasman sea, know all about the shortcomings of Australian products which are continually foisted on to our shelves to replace superior local and British products. The Australians are even extending their usual cultural rapine to claim that fine original New Zealand products, such as the Anzac biscuit, the Pavlova and Hokey-Pokey ice cream are their own! We are quite content for them to claim Rolf Harris, but wish them to own up to their greedy colonisation of talent and inspiration. However, it was nice to see your tongue firmly in your cheek when you claimed to be aware of modest Australians. Cheers, Barry Newman
Barry Newman	Contrary to most peoples beliefs, it is possible to find good eccles cakes in some parts of New Zealand. Cheers, Barry Newman.
	Nicey replies: Woo, three icons for one sentance.
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