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Your e-Mails

Pete McWilliam Bahlsen Orange Choco Leibniz Review	Dear Nicey, I work in an Architects practice and as such we consume a large number of biscuits. As part of the process of producing a building we write a specification which gives detailed information about the materials to be produced. When contemplating making a scale model of a house using biscuits we came accross the problem that we don't know some of these vital pieces of information for biscuits. This information includes thermal conductivity (how well they keep the heat in), permeability (how waterproof they are) and compressive strength (how much does it take to crush, not snap them). Do you know where I could source this information? Kind Regards, Pete McWilliam
	Nicey replies: As luck would have it our book contains a small section on this very topic, where we look into the problems faced by the wicked witch in Hansel and Gretel. Unfortunately not being architects we completely overlooked thermal conductivity, permeability and compressive strength. We did consider what materials could be used to bond the biscuits together and also the impact that flocks of starlings might have on your roof. I think wafers would have a low thermal conductivity and Ginger nuts a high compressive strength. There aren't really any water proof biscuits so I think you would need to go for something chocolate covered that you could bond together. Choco Liebniz might make a great roofing material, expensive mind but I'm sure you can justify the cost. Let us know how you get on.
Edward Cieslik Bahlsen Orange Choco Leibniz Review	Following on from Alan Bromley’s heartfelt – if slightly un-British – review of the Choco Leibniz, I would like to add my own thoughts on this most affecting of daytime delights. As I am now resident in New Zealand, these thoughts may seem a little rose-tinted for your usually objective reviews pages, but please bear with me as I relive the pleasures of frivolous tea-dippery denied to us expats. Before leaving England I worked for a video games developer in Guildford. Although the work is probably of no interest whatsoever to those of even a moderately sound mind, the company bonus scheme was inspired. When we as a team had worked especially hard or achieved another “milestone”, as these things were called, we were sometimes treated to a packet of biscuits by our producer – an especially nice chap called Geoff, whom I will always imagine sitting in an old armchair with a mug of tea in one hand and a half-eaten Pims biscuit in the other. Most of the time these biscuits were fairly run-of-the-mill affairs – custard creams or bourbons, occasionally even sleep-inducingly stodgy donuts from a well-known supermarket chain – but on ocassions when we’d been especially deserving, our producer would reveal… the Choco Leibiz. As Alan hinted at in his review, the secret of the Choco Leibniz, I feel, is its density. The Rich Tea portion is slightly small, with rather pretentious frills at its edges, but it is combined perfectly with a thick wedge of either milk or plain chocolate welded to its underside. Had the chocolate totally enclosed the biscuit, or had a pair of Rich Tea biscuits sandwiched the chocolate, I feel the balance would be lost. As it is, the devotee can see exactly what they’re getting: a Rich Tea biscuit offset with beautiful-tasting and beautifully-crafted chocolate. Like a Patek Phillippe watch or a Mont Blanc pen, anyone even setting eyes on such a thing can immediately see that they are dealing with a product on a different plane from those they are used to dealing with on a day-to-day basis. The chocolate, which resembles a gold ingot in both its solidity as well as its shape, looks and feels as though it has been chiselled by a master chocolatier. Its smooth sufaces and chiselled edges cannot but inspire confidence – and respect. Biting into it is like biting into a bar of the finest chocolate: firm at first, then gracefully yielding; rich, but not overpowering; solid and yet oh-so fleeting. It is, you might say, a biscuit befitting the finer moments in life. If I ever get to an age or maturity when I can justifiably sit by a roaring fire with a glass of fine red wine and a gently smouldering cigar, I will have at my side a plate of Choco Leibniz.
Mrs Turner Bahlsen Orange Choco Leibniz Review	Dear Nicey, I am writing to in the hopes that you can help. I have become addicted to Bahlsen Choco Leibnez. Waitrose are selling them buy one get one free which isn't helping. My desk drawer is full of Milk, Dark and Orange flavour, my favourite time of the day is when I can dunk a Dark in a hot cuppa. I need help....fast.
	Nicey replies: Mrs Turner, The only solution to your problem is to get a bigger drawer so that you can take full advantage of the current BOGOF.
David P Bahlsen Orange Choco Leibniz Review	Dear Nicey, I was flabberghastered yesterday when I popped into my local Tesco (North London) and saw that Bahlsen's Choco Leibnitz are on offer at half price until May 17th. I snapped up several of the boxes at 62p a go. Of course, I refuse to buy the orange version until it comes with dark chocolate. (A person's mouth can only take so much sugar). David P
Jim Urpeth Bahlsen Orange Choco Leibniz Review	For some years my colleagues and I have relied exclusively on 'Choco-Leibniz' biscuits for prizes in our 'induction week' philosophy quiz - often accompanied by the rash claim that they are the 'only biscuit to be named after a philosopher'. As a professional philosopher I wouldn't want to make a false claim if it could possible be avoided and so, if anyone knows of any other biscuit explicitly named in honour of a philosopher I'd be very grateful to hear about it. It would also enable us to introduce some variety into our portfolio of quiz prizes. By the way, I'm interested in this respect in genuine, long-standing brands made by established biscuit manufacturers rather than 'gimmicks' produced by various philosophy and other web sites (e.g. the 'Will to Power' candy bar bearing Nietzsche's portrait). Can we read any cultural significance into the fact that, if it is the case, only 'continental' biscuit companies name their products after philosophers? Best wishes, Jim Urpeth
	Nicey replies: Jim, That's quite a profound question, which is to be expected given your line of work. A quick check of the list of leading philosophers didn't bring up any, although you never know McVities may be working on a nice chocolate Schopenhauer. Mostly we get asked 'Are there any other biscuits named after revolutionaries, apart from the malted milk.. sorry Garibaldi?', or 'Are there any other biscuits named after European Royal dynasties apart from the Bourbon?'. Perhaps we should be asking are there any biscuits named after famous newsreaders such as Anna's Swedish Thins, possibly named after Anna Ford. Also Gordon Honeycombe, who was very bald, should have had a biscuit named after him just because his name lends itself to it. I think I could quite easily see off 3 or 4 Gordon Honeycombes with a mug of tea, lovely.
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