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|Fuhr David (Mr D)
||Fig rolls are the work of Beelzebub. Revolting chewy gungy things.|
They are also responsible for destroying the essential "al dente" nature of other biscuits. I once made the mistake of putting a single fig roll in a tin with biscuits of many other persuasions. Within 24 hours it had completed its satanic work - every other biscuit in there had gone all soggy and disgusting. And the fig roll was unchanged. I consider this to be proof that fig rolls are evil, and must be eradicated.
Also: You should be aware of Peperidge Farm "Nantucket" chocolate chip cookies. Oh. My. God. Expensive, very bad for you, but incredible.
|Nicey replies: Thank Fuhr David (Mr D) for your opinion. Of course the best way to eradicate Fig Rolls and prevent them altering the micro climate of the biscuit tin is simply to eat them all in one sitting. Presumably your chocolate chip cookies are expensive because they incur a journey to "Nantucket" to buy them.|
After having a nice, but rather rushed sit down, cup of Assam tea and a whole pack of Jaffa Cake Mini Rolls, I can categorically state they they are, indeed, without a shadow of a doubt, cakes. But, why the original Jaffa Cake wasn't just rolled up into a 'roll' to make a completley new and exiting cake is beyond me.
I think there is something very sinister about Mcvities turning everything we once held dear to our hearts, the very basis of our societies, our nice sit downs and cups of tea.. into Mini Rolls. I think this matter should be turned over to trading standards immediatley. The Mini Roll is slowly taking over. I bet within six months to a year, Jaffa Cakes will be phased out, to be replaced by evil, inferior, Jaffa flavoured Mini Rolls. I for one mourn the fat cattedness of McVities. May their 'lets turn every bloody thing into a mini roll' philosophy burn in the fiery gingernut pits of Hades.
|Nicey replies: Don't worry Huw the Mini Roll is a spent force, peaking over twenty five years ago in mid 70's when it enjoyed a high status along with many other now dated products such as Angel Delight and Surprise freeze dried peas. Many still dabble in the format, but the nation has moved on.
What worries me more is the tinkering that McVities are under taking with their product range as a whole. Last week I was forced to buy HobNobs in some kind of elaborate Pringles alike resealable cannister, at a price which was surely inflated due to the pointless cannister. I have no desire to add to the rubbish to be bulldozed in a land fill with a stupid little cannister thing. That's what a biscuit tin is for!
To make matters worse a friend bought me a packet of Mini Hobnobs so I could assess the biscuits as sweets thing. The little packet contained 8 mini Hobnobs each with a diameter of approx 34mm as opposed to 67 for the full size. After a some quick calculations it transpires that these wretched little biscuit-ettes were over twice as expensive as even their canister brethren.
So what's happening here? we are all being taken for a ride as United Biscuits try and wring out more cash from us using their well loved brands that were established via the honest and noble medium of a the packet of biscuits. This is short term gain but long term folly, as I fear the brands themselves will loose their sense of connection to people, which begins at a young age. The younger members of the NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown staff won't be raised on Mini-Hobnobs or those from a stupid cannister that's for sure. So what value is that brand going to be to them in 15 years time? Not much.
||Hallo you Nice person!|
And how are you on this fine and dandy day? I am all hunkydory and would love to follow up Will Shaws comment about the Pink Panther Pink Wafer biscuits and I do agree, they are simply supurb! Whilst during my G.C.S.E revision I found that these were the best things to get my mind working and to make you feel happy when not! And when dunked in a cup of steaming pot made tea it was simply the best thing in the world! Also the good old party rings are pretty damn fine too! Just thought I should stand up for the good old pink wafers as what have they ever done to you?! Tsk!
|Nicey replies: Rachel,
Sure, at first Pink Wafers can seem like a bit of a laugh, but they often lead on to nastier harder biscuits like the 'Nice' or possibly even 'Morning Coffee', and I'm sure even a GCSE student would know where to get hold of biscuits like that. Can you be sure you know what's in them, have you read the packet? Do you even know what makes them pink?
Yes its all pretty scary now.
On the subject of the pink wafer, I must say that in my opinion there should be sanctions on the sale of this product. I am very concerned that the biscuit market is being polluted and many young children are being indoctrinated with the idea that biscuits are all of similar unpleasant texture and flavour to the pink wafer.
To explain this I must relate to the tale of my first encounter with the pink wafer. When I was a young boy of about four I was at a friendís party. The classic array of kidís party food was accompanied by a plate of pink wafers. Not only were they true to their usual texture and taste but to make matters worse the plate had been left out for some time and the wafers had gone soggy, not the sogginess of a dunked digestive but an intensely distasteful sogginess which deprived the humble wafer of its only and defining quality - the crunchy flakiness.
I was, at this naive and impressionable age, lucky enough to attribute the intense displeasure experienced while consuming the wafer to the pink wafer itself. We all agreed that the wafers were disgusting but some of my friends were put off biscuits as a whole and instead favoured chocolate bars and cocktail sausages. I'm not even sure if they do sit down with spouses, or even alone to tea and biscuits upon occasion like all cultured and biscuitly enlightened people do. As a result the pink wafer must be banned (especially at parties due to the large concentration of impressionable youths and the poor standards of food hygiene) to protect our kids from lives that lack tea and biscuits.
(Aspiring to be tea and biscuit connoisseur in retirement)
It is nice to find that others take pleasure in the finer things in life (i.e. tea, biscuits and cakes)
|Nicey replies: Dear Mr Bricknel,
Thanks for having the courage to share that harrowing tale of pink wafer trauma with us. I only hope that people can learn from your troubling experience.
||Hello Mr Nicey, |
I am Mike Hands' 'Missus'(I believe he is one of your bigger fans). I am writing to you to reveal one of my deepest darkest secrets...one that not even Mike is aware of.
My secret is that when Mike goes out to work each morning, instead of getting on with my own work, as he assumes that I do, I reach for our 'treats' box at the back of the cupboard, put the kettle on and have a secret sit down and a biscuit ON MY OWN. (I know, shock horror, how could she do that...) I am telling you this because I think it vital that you know that my secret biscuit eating fest has led me to discover the joy of dunking a hob nob and a crumbling white chocolate cookie at the same time. Mmmmm, just think, you have that great oaty crunch of the hob nob combined with the buttery, melting texture of the cookie. It's just simply, really rather wonderful.
Now, the problem is that I don't like keeping secrets from Mike (and I know this one will really hurt) so I was kind of hoping you might post this message up on your website so Mike can hear it from you (so to speak). I think it might ease his pain and you never
know - he might even see a funny side to the whole situation.
Mike, if you do read this, you will realise that we don't have a ghost, it was me all along. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, but I just couldn't wait until you came home to have my nice sit down and a cup of tea.(Mr Nicey, I'm sure you would agree that 9 hrs is a long time to keep a lady waiting.)
Well, that's that...it feels much better to have it all out in the open now.
|Nicey replies: Missus Hands,
Your experiments with multi cake and biscuit eating combinations is now in danger of becoming an obsession, and is manifesting itself as clandestine munching. Remember a relationship is built on trust, not reading about personal biscuit stuff on random interwebby pages.