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||Malted milk biscuits|
Do you have any idea where one might purchase the above-mentioned items in the New York City area?
|Nicey replies: Sorry Ken I have no idea.|
|MessRoom P2 South Croydon
||Can you recommend a biscuit that is rich in both sustenance and taste, because the life of a paramedic can be one of low blood sugar and the need for high energy. Taste is a big issue as you need something to look forward to whilst doing various shift work patterns and in my opinion there is nothing quite like half a packet of good quality bourbons with a lovely cup of tea, whereas my colleague opts for the malted milk (both of which in our opinion is better than taking the wife upstairs). In order to get you into the mindset of a paramedic... picture the scene... It's raining, someone is quite seriously injured, people are crying, screaming and generally looking at you for guidance and inspiration and all you can think about is what biscuit shall I purchase from the all night Tesco's. The only thing that gets you through is the thought of getting this poor chap back to biscuit eating status.|
We will give you a new biscuit idea if it makes you rich just a mention on the packet will do. The Space Dust Biscuit, Shortbread base with copious amounts of space dust. This is not a biscuit for the faint hearted, pregnant females, anyone with a history of heart disease or those fitted with pacemakers.
P.s. Please don't mentionLincolnsor Nice as these are crummy incarnations of the devil himself.
Yours truly, W.H. Warlord and R.Mellie
|Nicey replies: Well I'm most inclined to send you off to a Sainsbury's rather than Tescos to get a pack of their own brand Fruit Digestives. These are substantial biscuits which come in a big pack and a have a malty fruity taste that will bring you back for more, I'm intending a review at some point.
If you have to go to Tesco's then your choice is not as great, as their own brand stuff is fairly standard fare, and you have to really relly on branded biscuits. I would keep a look out for special offers on such things as McVitie's Caramels and HobNobs, as there is nothing like a bargain to add to the enjoyment.
In response to your correspondent Amanda Collins, who speculates on a dog-biscuit / fig-roll mix up scenario; once when I was at primary school a boy found a dog biscuit in his lunch box, it having been placed there as a prank by his elder sister. However, a Hitler-esque dinnerlady forced him to eat the dog biscuit, not believing his pleas that it was only there as a joke. I think this is a salutary lesson to us all to :
a) Not trust sisters.
b) Hate dinnerladies with a passion bordering on the psychotic.
I feel its my duty to update you on The Biscuit Cup but I?m not happy about it.
For the quarter finals the biscuits were marked on taste, design, dunkability, originality and performance so only the great biscuit god in the sky knows how the 17 judges came up with these results:
QF1 - Jammy Dodger 155 Gingernuts 173 ? GINGERNUT WIN
In spite of receiving the 2nd highest marks of any biscuit ever the dodger was knocked out by the pre-tournament favourite and dentally dangerous Gingernut.
QF2 - Chocolate Digestives 137 Cadburys Boasters 146 ? BOASTERS WIN
What a load of rubbish. Just how could the bragging cookie beat McVities finest ever product.
QF3 - Fig Rolls 111 Rich Tea 112 - RICH TEA WIN
Errr... Boring rich tea make the final four!
QF4 - Shortcake 96 Garibaldi 98 - GARIBALDI WIN
At least bloody shortcake didn?t make it through (but only just)
My colleagues clearly have burnt their tastebuds drinking too much hot tea, have little design sense (and some are designers by trade), think westlife are an original band and haven?t registered a good performance since their honeymoon.
|Nicey replies: Yes,
And if you keep going on at them trying to point out which they should admire and why, they will probably tell you to go off and set up a web site dedicated to your cause. You might even reply "Alright I will, its about time there was a decent biscuit site". Two years down the road you'll probably get emails from people staging biscuit knockout tournaments, and complaining about peoples lack of biscuit appreciation skills. You'll probably send them a reply where you tell them that they should tell the other people... I'm getting lost now.
||It's true, some children really do stink of digestives. I always wondered what that smell was and in my observations I have noticed that girls were more inclined towards the digestive aroma whilst the boys smelt more like chicken burgers.|
I was always the one forced to hold their hands during games because I protested a little too loudly about them in front of the teacher.
On another note, has anyone ever made the fatal mistake of eating a dog biscuit instead of a fig roll? They look the same.