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Iced Gems Review
In a day of remarkable co-incidences, I note with dismay that Iced Gems were placed as the 6th yuckiest biscuit behind the very-deserving-of-revulsion pink wafers and fig rolls. Only this lunchtime did I discover that the people who stock our mangy vending machines here at work had, in an all-too-rare moment of inspired brilliance placed a bag of iced gems in one of the machines. Having not had them for years I immediately purchased what has to be one of the all time classic biscuits and sated my desire of sugary lumps of icing and biscuit bases. This led to me idly wondering why water biscuits are called water biscuits (slow day at the office) and a quick Google later I happened upon your site by way of a review of Jamaican water biscuits. After a contented browse and some sage noddings regarding your conclusions on Jaffa Cakes, I was horrified to see the Iced Gem, that marvellous staple of kids’ birthday party food, being universally rejected by the biscuit loving public. To rub salt in the wounds, I also note that the singularly disgusting Fig Rolls somehow also figured highly in both the regular and favourite charts and that the magnificent and criminally underrated Bourbon cream being beaten by Fig Rolls in the favourites section!
This unthinkable heresy says only one thing: the biscuit eating public have been led astray. I think you should start a campaign immediately to promote these shining examples of the biscuit maker’s art and help them regain what is rightfully theirs – the number one and two slots in the regular and favourite charts and to leave the yukky chart immediately. This should be done because they are an important part of our heritage, and not at all because I am a random wackjob with too much time on their hands and who happens to like these biscuits. Not at all. Oh no.
Steve “Bourbon King” Pettifer
|Dr. Greg James
About halfway through every clinic at work, a kindly nurse will bring me a cup of tea (usually without sugar- NHS cutbacks going to far methinks). Last week, this always welcome respite from the continual stream of patients was accompanied by two biscuits. I was obviously over the moon initially, but on further investigation, my joy turned to despair.
For the proffered biscuits were the most strange and unappealing i have ever had the misfortune to encounter. Essentially they were slightly longer, thinner versions of pink wafers but WERE NOT PINK. Instead they were made of the same colourless, flavourless stuff that is used to make ice-cream cones. There was not a single speck of anything to make these more palatable- no sugar, chocolate etc. A molecule thin layer of tasteless glue held the two slices together. Has anyone else encountered these so-called "biscuits" and can anyone shed some light on them so I can warn others of their existence??
Dr. Greg James
|Nicey replies: Good grief surely such things are banned by human rights legislation.|
||Dear biscuit fans,|
I take great exception at my favourite biscuit, the Pink Wafer being named 'yukkiest biscuit'! OK so it may have been the token 'left at the bottom of the variety pack' biscuit for many years, but the recently released Pink Panther Wafers, made by Rivington have given the humble pink wafer a new lease of life. Always perfectly rectangular, crunchy, and with a generous helping of yummy vanilla flavoured cream, the Pink Panther wafer is a tasty treat for all the family, and hopefully will help to re-elevate pink wafers to their rightful place at the top of the biscuit barrel. In years to come, as I look back on my life with a twinge of nostalgia, I'll always reserve a special place in my heart for the biscuit that helped shape my childhood. One day, when I have my own children and they are spoiled for choice among all the space age, new fangled biscuits that have found their way onto the shelves, I will give them two words of advice to heed their entire lives through - "Think Pink".
PS - I refer you to this article from the Rivington Foods website
Living Proof that Pink Panther wafers are good for you!
Sunday Independent December
WAFER ADDICT LUCY?S IN THE PINK!
101 year old Lucy Warne?s diet for a long life really takes the biscuit. The former schoolteacher puts her longevity down to the five packets of pink wafer biscuits she?s eaten every week for the last 19 years.
Lucy?s son, Colin said ?It?s the only sort she eats and we always laugh about it because she says that?s why she?s lived so long. I think it?s definitely worth giving them a go because is certainly seems to have worked for her?...
Iced Gems Review
|Dear Nicey and Wifey,|
I stumbled across your website the other week while searching for a piccie of an iced gem. This search was in order to try to prove to a twenty something colleague of mine that such an object did indeed exist and I wasn't making it up (we'd previously had a similar episode with non belief in the existence of Noggin the Nog, but that's another matter). Quite how somebody can reach their mid-twenties without ever having been exposed to an iced gem is something I find quite strange, but clearly some people have had very deprived childhoods.
I found your website to be a welcome relief from the horrors of a day providing computer support to the sort of people you shouldn't even trust with a pair of round nosed scissors, and I am now a regular visitor. I was also prompted to buy the cuddly paperback version of your book. I'm very glad I made the book purchase because it helped sustain me on a recent trip to Barcelona, where there was nothing resembling a nice cup of tea or a reasonable biscuit to be had. Even the coffee left a lot to be desired, and I always thought the continentals were supposed to know how to make that!
Anyhoo, the combination of website and book has prompted me to abandon my workplace reliance on coffee and switch to drinking a lot more tea. I've also bought some biscuits, nice ones mind you, and am currently working my way through a Crawford's Teatime Varieties selection pack. It's quite a nice selection, one that I feel can be forgiven the presence of a slightly inferior digestive due to the complete absence of the abhorrent pink wafer as a filler.
So as I sat here at my desk having a nice cup of tea and a well dunked custard cream, I felt moved to write to you and offer my thanks for re-introducing me to the simple pleasure to be had from taking the time to enjoy a nice cup of tea and a sit down with a quality biscuit or three.
Kind regards and thanks,
|Nicey replies: Mike,
Glad to hear you are back on the tea, and have survived a run in with Spanish biscuits.
That puts me in mind of those programs is on telly about people who have moved to Spain and are trying to repurpose a pile of rubble on a hillside into a luxury villa. They always end up building internal walls out strange square plant pot things, and nobody ever says what are those things? If I was the interviewer I'd say yes we know you owe £50,000 and you've done irreparable damage to your marriage and you haven't slept for a week, but what are those things you are building that wall out of, and who told you to use them? Plus lets face it most Spanish biscuits would make a perfectly good building material.
Due to age I just missed out on Noggin the Nog first time round, so am more of a Poggle's Wood man really.
||Happy new year to you nicey,|
i am back at work after the festive break and would very much appreciate your advice on a biscuit related matter. i have been talking to people at work about the existence of a blue wafer biscuit (like the evil pink wafer but blue) and they all look at me like i have two heads does this bisuit actually exist or have i been adamantly banging on incorrectly about said biscuit.
i also received the ncotaasd book for christmas and am very much enjoying it.
thanks in advance
|Nicey replies: Mark,
I fear you may be right. As I think I mention in the book, I once saw green wafers in one of those 'buy anything for a pound' type of shops, which sell such worrying tat. They may well have been next to some blue ones but my brain may have been unable to cope with the full horror of that, and deep regressive hypnotherapy might be required to extract the image.