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Hope you're not developing psychokinetic biscuit-moving powers like the man in Mitchell & Webb last night
|Nicey replies: Yes that was some well observed biscuit humour, and technically correct that he was unable to move Jaffa Cakes using his mind. Also at the end when all the biscuits exploded in a Carrie style finale we again observed that Jaffa Cakes were intact. Also we noted the supermarket scenes were shot in an Asda, and wondered if all Asdas have to have a button next to the eggs which makes loud chicken noises when you press it as ours does.|
My colleagues and I have just done a taste test on the three McVitties Jaffa Cake varieties for our Friday afternoon nice cup...etc.
Lemon & Lime are pleasant (in a washing-up liquid sort of a way) but we couldn't eat too many of them without feeling a bit queasy. Blackcurrant were just a washout, and an affront to the sensibilities of Jaffa Cake lovers everywhere.
We all agree that original Orange wins hands down - we could easily work our way through a whole packet each. Just the thing for a nice cup of tea and a sit down.
||Regarding Nicholas 'Kif' Stevensons' email about one individual rogue jaffa cake in each of his two packs facing the wrong way, I can tell you that the reason for this is so the chocolate on the top of the jaffa cake doesn't melt when the plastic wrapper is heat sealed.|
If the chocolate was facing the outside it could melt if it came into contact with the hot, recently sealed plastic, thus the end jaffa cake, with the chocolate facing outside, is turned around to face the inside.
I can also divulge that this is done by machine rather than by hand.
Your eagle-eyed readers will also notice this happens on most chocolate topped biscuits.
I hope this answer satisfies your quench for biscuit knowledge.
|Nicey replies: I feel like stopping people on the street and passing that on now that I know. I expect you have been doing so for years I've just never run into you.
|Nicholas 'Kif' Stevenson
I just bought Blackcurrant Jaffa Cakes and Lemon&Lime Jaffa Cakes, like 35 minutes ago.
(I also bought Milk Chocolate Orange Digestives, and untouched Hob Nob originals... no chocolatey monkey business, this however is informational, and in no way intended to deflect the Jaffa based issues.)
While the surprise was that the L&L Jaffa's beat the Blackcurrant ones solidly into the ground, I cannot spend the time to properly address this paradox because I was so very concerned at the packaging of these little gems.
Now I can't speak of Jaffa Original, because I didn't buy those, but these two pretentious packets had an "Open This End" instruction at one end. Remember, we are talking about a cardboard box that holds biscuits. Why on Earth do I have to open it at a particular end?!
I followed the instructions, to find myself staring at the underside of a Jaffa Cake, safely wrapped in a polythene inner seal. On removing this pack, I noticed that the Jaffa I saw first was oriented differently to it's 11 sisters. I put this down to randomness until I then opened the other pack a clear two minutes later. This too had a single, presumably misbehaved, Jaffa facing the opposite direction to all the others.
2 out of 2 Jaffa packets examined had exhibited this exact same phenomena, that's 100% to the statisticians out there. Which unequivocally proves that this arrangement is intentional.
Thus begging the question:-
Just when I thought I had reached peak levels of perplexion, I noticed a small warning on the box:-
"Warning: Inserts may form small parts."
Ok, I'm out. I have absolutely no clue what this means. I realise it is a warning, because it identifies itself with the word "warning" but as to the rest.... Now I am a bit worried, because as far as Jaffa's go, there is a warning that I do not understand, what is dangerous about these Jaffas? What is an insert? What will the small parts do in the event that the inserts choose to form them? How will I know when this has occurred?
I'm hoping that a leading authority such as yourselves can clear up these two rather pressing matters with haste, as I think the world needs an answer before we can move forward and beyond it.
Nicholas "Kif" Stevenson
|Nicey replies: Thank you for raising these points.
I thought the reversed Jaffa Cake was the equivelent of the brace position you're told to adopt if you are in an aeroplane thats about to crash. The heroic last jaffa cake presents its cushioned underside to the outside world protecting its fragile chocolate shell. Of course this raises more questions than it answers, like 'How do they turn the last one over?' is it a special machine, or teams of little old ladies with gloves on? Is the last one a bit special, requiring grooming from before its a completed Jaffa cake, or is it selected at random, or is it actually every twelfth Jaffa Cake made.
There are any inserts on a standard Jaffa Cake box so I'll be confused as well. If they are talking about plastic tray inserts then you really need a pair of scissors to reduce them to small bits as they are a tough as old boots
Iced Gems Review
In a day of remarkable co-incidences, I note with dismay that Iced Gems were placed as the 6th yuckiest biscuit behind the very-deserving-of-revulsion pink wafers and fig rolls. Only this lunchtime did I discover that the people who stock our mangy vending machines here at work had, in an all-too-rare moment of inspired brilliance placed a bag of iced gems in one of the machines. Having not had them for years I immediately purchased what has to be one of the all time classic biscuits and sated my desire of sugary lumps of icing and biscuit bases. This led to me idly wondering why water biscuits are called water biscuits (slow day at the office) and a quick Google later I happened upon your site by way of a review of Jamaican water biscuits. After a contented browse and some sage noddings regarding your conclusions on Jaffa Cakes, I was horrified to see the Iced Gem, that marvellous staple of kids’ birthday party food, being universally rejected by the biscuit loving public. To rub salt in the wounds, I also note that the singularly disgusting Fig Rolls somehow also figured highly in both the regular and favourite charts and that the magnificent and criminally underrated Bourbon cream being beaten by Fig Rolls in the favourites section!
This unthinkable heresy says only one thing: the biscuit eating public have been led astray. I think you should start a campaign immediately to promote these shining examples of the biscuit maker’s art and help them regain what is rightfully theirs – the number one and two slots in the regular and favourite charts and to leave the yukky chart immediately. This should be done because they are an important part of our heritage, and not at all because I am a random wackjob with too much time on their hands and who happens to like these biscuits. Not at all. Oh no.
Steve “Bourbon King” Pettifer