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From my desk in this nice centrally located London office if I look left I can see the grandeur of Christopher Wren's masterpiece St. Pauls cathedral. Then I look right.....
It's the dreaded vending machine, which conatins the office staff's daily fixes of coffee, tea, chocolate, soup, soda, dregs, and gooey stuff. I often hear it grumble (a warning perhaps?) when I walk past it the to water cooler. I have actually tried the various beverages that are dispensed by the machine in times of absolute desperation, and have of course been disapointed on every occasion. I seem to remember that something I had once tasted remotely like dishwater, but I'm afraid I couldn't describe the tastes of the other beverages except to say that they were disgusting.
Even plain water is dispensed with brownish tinge. Ewwww!
The worst (and last) experince I ever had with the vending machine was the one where I pressed a button on the machine and the dreaded "code 12" flashed on the screen. A "code 12" error means that the bucket under the drip tray is full. The deal in our office is that if you are the person who gets the "code 12", then you are handed the key to the machine and expected to empty the sludge bucket inside. Let me tell you, this was one of the worst experiences of my life, and when I poured that gooey filth down the sink it made me retch. Take my word for it and stay away from those horrible machines!
Thankfully there is a kitchen on another floor in our building where I can boil my water in a real jug and pour it into a porcelan cup, over a nice fresh earl grey tea bag (no loose tea available I'm afraid). Phew!
||Dear Sir -|
Myself and my colleagues have recently undertaken your delightful 'Biscuit Tin Quiz'.
Whilst it kept our interest for some minutes, we couldn't help by finish with a sense of mistrust and disappointment. Permit me, if you will, to explain.
Think of your biscuit tin as a clock-face. It's plain to for all to see, the placing of a bourbon shard at clock-position "3:13", the fairly generous helping of a Party Ring at clock-position "6:35", and of course the cracked Custard Creams at positions "4" and "7". However, as they say, the honeymoon is now over. You see, in your (incorrectly named) "Answers Section", you have indicated that the Biscuit shard located at clock-position "11" is an 'All Butter' type biscuit.
With all due respect, you are a liar and a cheat. This so-called 'All Butter' shard is nothing more than a cracked piece of 'Fruit Shortcake', with the currants ('dead flies' as we say in the trade) expertly removed and the sugar crystals wiped off - probably with a damp cloth. Or perhaps even run under the tap and simply brushed away by hand. The hand of a cheater.
So, it is with great regret - and all due respect - that I must request from you evidence of your 'All Butter' biscuit - a photograph of this vile snack juxtaposed with the princely 'Fruit Shortcake' would suffice. Failure to comply will result in your loss of a large following of biscuit
I trust you will do the right thing and come clean.
James Herbert & Colleagues
United Biscuits Front (City of London branch)
|Nicey replies: Much as you would like our quiz to be incorrect I can assure you it is not. Mashing the picture down into a Flash movie however does make it a bit more challenging.|
Malted Milk Review
|Dear Nicey - re Katy Rouths note |
I think I know what she's on about. One of my children is slightly dyslexic and we've tried all kinds of alternative remedy things suggested by teachers that are supposed to stimulate the brain - like foods containing fatty acids (sardines etc), drinking lots of water , listening to Mozart ,balancing
exercises etc - So if Katy has discovered that Malted Milk are a brain stimulant then this could be a fantastic educational breakthrough. You can see why one that played Mozart might be even better (but possibly not edible). I will try feeding my daughter Malted Milk biscuits for breakfast tomorrow as she's got a spelling test in school and see if there is any improvement. They will have to be Tesco's though as we had ASDA's last week and my youngest was traumatised by the missing calf.
PS Tea Bag bin doing as well as can be expected in office setting so long as someone remembers to empty it daily - Nasty Mould experience last week.
|Nicey replies: Very good, but its not a calf its just one slightly further away (shades of Father Ted here..).
Glad to hear the TeaBagBin is gainfully employed.
|Amanda Salmon x
||Dear Nicey and Wifey|
The fame of NCOTAASD is spreading into the realm of literature. I've just read a fab book by Danny Wallace called Join Me, and I almost spilled my fairtrade Sri Lankan when I saw on page 12 the words "But what I want out of life is usually a nice cup of tea and a biscuit...." And there it is again on page 224! I hope you're not having to pay for all this publicity.
Amanda Salmon x
|Nicey replies: Yes tea and biscuit consciences is all about us, Hoorah!
Well done on the amusing surname, your middle name is quite unusual too.
|Alice.T. and Miss.Cull
I work as a teaching assistant in a special school and was introduced to your site by the teacher I work with. She had heard of your site, but as a computor-phobic had been unable to access it. I logged on and we have been unable to log off since. We have used much of your painstakingly collected data for graphs and bar charts in maths. Your games are used as rewards, and your pictures have at times caused uncontrollable giggles. My teacher and I are dedicated belivers in a nice cup of tea and a sit down (especialy when cake is involved). Thank you for making lesson planning so much fun.
Yours crumily Alice.T. and Miss.Cull
|Nicey replies: It must be a very special school indeed if the lessons are about biscuits, Hoorah!
You should take a look at my friend Gary's lovely Pictogram software, he has used some of our biscuits in the demo version.