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||Our college's vending machine is, like so many of these contraptions, a little temperamental. Undoubtedly this has something to do with the number of indoor Upper Sixth versus Lower Sixth football matches that use its hatch as goal, but it does have moments of entirely surreal behaviour.†|
It is very original in terms of what it offers, from the sublime 'espressochoc', a truly horrible mixture of coffee and chocolate that seems to take your tongue with it on its way, to the ridiculous 'vegetable drink'- I've never met anyone stupid enough to try that one, so I can't even comment on how it tastes. Unfortunately, it has moments where it seems to take originality to far. Many of us vividly remember the week when instead of coffee/tea/vegetable granules floating on the top of the strange liquid, we got flies. The machine was fixed, and the day after- flies again.
Its most fiendish random moment, however, happened one very cold, very dark morning when our heroine staggered in needing a caffeine boost before a chemistry A-level mock. Striding up to the machine, she put in her coins, pressed the right numbers, and blearily watched the machine going through the motions. It was as the drink sprayed down into the cup that she realised that the plastic cup itself was gradually tilting further and further towards her as the liquid entered it. As she stood there, transfixed by the impending doom, the cup did indeed spill over and throw scalding espresso all over her shoes. There was no reason for the tilting, the cup holder apparently did it all by itself.
As she frantically mopped up, the machine watched with what could only be called a smug smirk on its hatch. Its work was done...
Rich Tea Review
|Here at UCE in Birmingham are VERY excited by your report of the World Biscuit Throwing Championships. We have just had a fire drill, and whilst waiting for the OK to return to the building we were discussing the merits of various biscuits and throwing techniques, and our Design and Technology department are now considering setting the creation of a biscuit throwing machine as a project for our students, possibly something on the lines of those machines that pop tennis balls over the net for the likes of Tim Henman to practice with.|
We are concerned about the possibility of doping at the championships Ė does tea, with its caffeine content, count as an illegal substance, or are there allowable limits? We need to know, tea and biccies are a serious matter!
We are going to Asda at lunchtime to buy a packet of Rich Tea and a packet of Ginger Nuts (some staff think they are more suitable for throwing than Rich Tea) and try them out in the local park.
Rich Tea Review
I was very interested in your report on the biscuit throwing contest happening this month back home in England. I am currently in Australia working at the Australian Institute of Sport in the Sports Biomechanics department and as a sport scientist and tea/biscuit lover, I was quite surprised at the choice of biscuit which has been selected as the 'ideal throwing' biscuit. I would have thought that a rich tea biscuit would be to light to throw a long distance, something more like shortbeard which has a solid mass (so it will not crumble) and is not heavy like a chocolate covered biscuit would be more ideal. Especially the shortbeard fingers, they have an aerodynamic shape and would be able to stand up to some wind if present on the day.
I think it would be a very interesting experiment if you got your members to have their own contest and report back the findings.
Keep up the good work, love the site!
|Nicey replies: Perhaps there is a psychological aspect, you've got to want to throw the biscuit a long way away from you, so the duller the biscuit the better.|
Loviní your work btw, however on to more pressing things.† I was wondering which is the better digestive biccie, the one with choccy or the one without?† And should it be milk choccy or plain?† I just donít know.† I cannot decide.† I have devoured packs of the said digestives in order to find out, but canít make up my mind.† Should I just give up and start nibbling on ginger biccies (which I also love to bits), or continue in my digestive quest for taste truth?
|Nicey replies: Marge,
This probably isn't the advice you're after but the best plan is to not worry about it.
||Dear Nicey & TheWife|
Did you happen to catch last night's episode of 'Two Pints of Lager and†a Packet of Crisps'? It featured a fascinating biscuit discussion between Johnny and his new girlfriend, in which they raised such topics as 'Jaffa Cake - cake or biscuit?' (they agreed it's not a biscuit; oh how I cheered) and 'Kit Kat - biscuit or chocolate bar?' (Biscuit, was the somewhat controversial decision).
It gave me hope for the younger generation to see 'yoof TV' taking an interest in such important topics, and it also served to highlight the importance that tea-and-biscuit agreement has in a relationship.
Anyway what's your view on the 'broken biscuit assortment' boxes that you can buy from the milkman? I once found a whole, undamaged bourbon in one, which I promptly returned to the manufacturer with a strong letter of complaint referring to the Trades Descriptions act. If I buy a box of broken biscuits, I expect them to be broken and don't expect to have to break them myself. Sadly I received no reply; I suspect†my undamaged bourbon got broken in the post and whoever opened the parcel at the other end decided I was simply a nutter with no grounds for complaint.
|Nicey replies: Greg,
Yes I very much enjoy the biscuit bits in 'Two Pints of Lager and†a Packet of Crisps', and caught the episode of which you speak some time ago. The biscuit parts are carefully observed and so far have been right on the money as far as I'm concerned. We linked over to their web site last year after they contacted us.
As for broken biscuits, we have been promised a guest review complete with 'chamber of horrors' type pictures. I think you did right to send them back, the Wife is officially charge of complaining about stuff and writing strongly worded letters which she enjoys greatly.
Years ago when I used to work for a certain Cambridge based computer maker, we used to get our fair share of letters from people complaining about the difficulties they had writing and printing letters using their word processors and printers. I used to think this was odd as they were obviously getting it to work fine in order to send us the letters.