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|Mrs Sarah Viscount
Mint Viscount Review
|Dear Nicey, Wifey, and the-younger-members-of-staff,|
I just wanted to share the news of an upcoming joyful event in my life. To most people it would be considered a modest - even insignificant - event, but I knew that if anyone was to understand, it would be you and the readers of your truly wonderful website.
You see, about two months ago, a friend of mine quibbled and scoffed when I said that I wasn't that pushed or bothered about chocolate, and could happily go ages without eating any. So for no reason (except perhaps to indulge his cruel streak) he insisted that I put my money where my mouth was, as it were, and give up chocolate until Halloween. I had to forego all chocolate for the two months until that date, and give him a weekly update on my progress by text message. I know, I know, more fool me for agreeing to it; but agree I did.
And so, I hear you ask, how was my progress? Well I wasn't lying - I don't have the chocolate fixation of many women. And as a Good Oirish Catholic Colleen, I'm practiced at giving up various things, having done so during many a Lent in my youth. So I was happy to pass the rows and rows of chocolate-bars in every shop, I cheerfully selected non-chocolate flavours of Ben & Jerry's ice-cream at the cinema, and I chirpily opted to just say no when another friend brought a box of Cadbury's Heroes to my house. However, as I know you've noted before (with regard to Toffypops) even small and humble shops and garages in Ireland are usually quite well stocked with relatively luxurious biscuits. And so it was, that every time I went into my local garage to pay for my petrol, I was greeted with the chocolate foe I had forgotten about: the sublime, dulcet, celestially supreme, minty Viscount. I held firm, and stoically resisted all the way. But they have called to me, Siren-like, for so long, that it is with true joy that I note today's date: it is November the 1st. Halloween is over, so on my way home from work today, I am going to that garage, I am walking in purposefully, and I am claiming a packet as my own.
I knew you'd understand.
(Mrs Sarah Viscount as of this evening)
|Nicey replies: Very Good Mrs Viscount,
Now what do you think your friend can go with out till Christmas?
||Dear Nicey (and Wifey),|
I too am becoming alarmed by the increasing references to biscuit-related violence, when should be having a ANCOTAASD. I suspect the site may have been infiltrated by c*ff** drinkers, who are well-known for their more passionate temperaments.
Is there need for a campaign for universal "dunking", thus disarming these wild and dangerous extremists?
Keep up the good work,
|Nicey replies: Well apart from the actual face slashing with a broken Rich Tea incident these are all purely speculative discussions. Thus far Bruce Willis has remained unharmed by any form of baked snack item.
I'm glad you have called for a universal campaign for dunking rather than just an earthbound one, thus dealing with any hostile aliens on their way to us armed with particularly pointy and hard biscuits.
Fruit Shortcake Review
Further to this discussion as we have previously established, a few crumbs (especially from a ginger nut) can prove extremely dangerous, a few carefully laid crumbs could serve a purpose for those that wish to cause harm with biscuits…
However, I find it strange that suddenly you have e mails flooding in from people that seem keen on relaying tales of biscuit related violence. I think they need a nice cup of tea and a sit down. It must be all the horrific news and war in our world that is even creeping into our daily tea and biscuit related enjoyment…What is the world coming to ?
Oh and on another note, we had a discussion some time back when I asked you what you thought the most under rated biscuit was, you said a fruit shortcake. And although sceptical I cracked on with a packet just last week and I am certainly coming round to your point of view, they indeed do give way more than you ask of them.
At this rate I will be trying Garibaldis again and they haven’t seen the light of day in my world for a good 30 years after a fly related comment corrupted my then young mind and created a phobia for them. You make a strong case for them in your review I am tempted, maybe its my age?
Here's to revisiting biscuits from the past, and of course peace in our time.
|Nicey replies: The lack of a biscuits as weapons icon is becoming increasingly embarrassing.
A word of caution on the Garibaldis, modern ones are a bit drier and generally less chewy than those of antiquity. Just so that you are prepared, still certainly worth a good go. Also it is almost certainly your age, it is increasingly the reason for most standpoints I have on things. Wifey and I were very lucky to attend the Oldie magazine's 200th Edition party last week, were we told off by Patricia Routledge for not being old at all, however after a mere 5 or 6 drinks it took us both 2 days to recover fully.
Cadbury's Fingers Review
|Now I'm not a violent person, I'm only joining this topic in the hope of generating a 'biscuits as weapons' icon...|
At our office we used to get a weekly 'Broken Biscuit Assortment' from our friendly milkperson. For a period of a few weeks, this weekly box of treats was turned hideously wrong as it contained broken 'Barbie biscuits'. These little abominations were akin to custard creams, however the biscuit had a distincly cardboard consistency and the cream within was a vile pink colour and very very strongly flavoured of that awful saccharine-sweet "strawberry" chemical taste. In fact they were so strongly flavoured that the presence of just a single Barbie biscuit polluted the entire box, making all the other biscuits within taste like those awful scented erasers all the girls had at school in the 80s.
What's my point? Well, provided one had suitable breathing apparatus, the Barbie biscuit would work extremely well as a Weapon Of Mass Disgustion. In the hypothetical Die Hard 4 biscuit battle scene, I'm sure a few well planted Barbie biscuits would soon have Mr Willis rendered unconcious allowing one to deliver the killer blow with a well aimed Ginger Nut or maybe a sharpened Cadbury's Finger would do the trick.
|Nicey replies: Greg,
You're probably right as I'm having to scratch around for icons on this one.
Thin Arrowroot Review
|Dear ncotaasd staff and fellow readers,|
I have two things I would like to share with you and visitors to your important and critically acclaimed web site and biscuit information forum.
Firstly I write in support of the oft maligned Arrowroot, unfairly, I feel, dismissed in your review as a "dry tasteless dull excuse for a biscuit". I would suggest that to the contrary the Arrowroot represents an important lifelong companion and comfort food. Introduction to the Arrowroot should be at an early age as they make an excellent teething soother and general comforter for babies - in part because of the structural qualities recognized in your report but also for its unique warming vanilla variant taste. Later in life that taste quickly brings back feelings of security, warmth, homeliness and the protective cocoon that was early childhood. What better way to get over another brutal day in the work world than to come home to a ncotaasd with an Arrowroot on the side. And, if that is not enough, later in life we can look forward to the Arrowroot as a valuable easily digested, nourishing diet for convalescence. The active ingredients are reportedly especially useful in bowel complaints, as they have demulcent properties.
For a special treat I slather the top of an Arrowroot with butter - the real stuff - and a large spoonful of jam. This provides a good segue to my second topic, Jam. While on an all too short visit to Turkey this year I acquired a pot of Penguen brand Gul Receli (the u with an umlaut and the c with a cedilla). This, as many of your fine visitors may know, is rose petal jam. Quite how crafty penguins became a corporate logo for a product made in a country with Mediterranean and desert like climates is a mystery ... but I digress. The delicate and exquisite flavour of this Jam is just like good red Turkish delight. Apart from a few teaspoonfuls gobbed onto Arrowroots we used most of it for jam tarts and this, I believe, is the Jam's forte. The tarts made a good conversation piece, at least until tasted after which household members just focused on grabbing the biggest share and greedily scoffing. A final word of warning, the jam does contains small pieces of rose petal which can stubbornly adhere to teeth, but despite this I heartily recommend rose petal jam as a must try for all. Why not try it first on an Arrowroot !
Regards to all.
|Nicey replies: Well I think Turkey should have that high on their lists of reasons for getting into the EU, "Have Turkish delight flavoured jam, made by Penguins". Good plan with the Jam tarts. Well done for sticking up for the Arrowroot it needs friends because out of nearly 2000 votes in our biscuit poll it's still showing a zero as anybody's favourite, and 00.3% people have them regularly.|