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I may be stuck in the old way of doing things, but, I do love our tea lady. She is called Moreen and comes round twice a day to make us tea and make sure we have biscuits.
Can I ask, do you know of any other companies/organisations that have a tea lady? and, is not time to start a campaign to bring back the Moreens of this world. After all, aren't the Moreens our only chance at hitting back at the Vending machines?
|Nicey replies: We can only wonder with awe at the utopian splendor of your catering arrangements.
When i started my present job, i was very pleasantly surprised to find one such hot drinks machines in place of the standard d-i-y tea and coffee area. Having once suffered terribly at the hands of two unscrupulous employers who forced me to make tea for them several times a day to assert their superiority, i was even quite relieved. A year on, and i am now adamant that this machine is, by far, the very worse of its kind.
The vile liquids it excretes costs 20p a shot. It blatently steals money from people and runs out of cups at least once a week. It is such an archaic machine that it doesn't even alert you to these cup shortages. It happily takes your 20p and pours your drink into the empty space where a cup should be, literallly pouring your money down the drain. Sometimes it's days before it's workman turns up to fix this. Thirsty and desperate workers stand there poised with flimsy cups stolen from the mineral water machine, waiting for the crutial moment to 'catch' their drinks and to do so with pin-point accuracy. To do this successfully takes much skill and often results in half empty cups, stained shirt sleeves, scolded hands and wet shoes.
The mineral water cups go worryingly floppy when used in this manner, proving exactly why they are for chilled mineral water and not warm gunk. All we can do is hope that we are not poisoning our bodies with dangerous plastic chemicals from these half melted cups, but then again it's fair to say that drinking from the machine itself poses as much, if not more of a health risk.
In desperation, i purchased a travel kettle from Argos, which is now kept discretely on a spare chair in my office. Making 'proper' tea, however, has turned out to be a real misson. First the kettle has to be taken to the only source of drinking water, the mineral water machine, and cheekily filled up in front of a room full of people. Then fresh milk has to be purchased from the garage down the road (no fridge here). The making of the tea involves kneeling down on the floor in a 'camping holiday' style and using a spare screwdriver to fish out the tea bag. All this hassle means that i now very rarely use the kettle and continue to be bullied, deceived and poisoned by our evil vending machine. They should all be scrapped, starting with the one in my office.
|Nicey replies: Your mail is beyond fantastic, where do you work in such pampered luxury a Siberian Salt mine?
I have to agree with Robin Clarke on the subject of Hitchhikers tea machine. The liquid issuing forth from the vending monster in my works canteen looks like tea, smells like tea, even has the consistency of tea, but requires at least six sugars (and I never take sugar anyway) to make it anywhere near drinkable. I'm forced to have frothy coffee instead (oh the shame!). Whoever invented tea powder should be made to drink vending machine tea as punishment. We can only assume it was someone who has no tastebuds.
Extra-terrestrial life did visit this planet once, but the only place they could get a hot drink was the vending machine at Victoria coach station - which is why they don't land here any more.
Good work here, I came to this site after reading the feature in 'Norfolk' magazine. Nice cup of tea and a sit down? Don't mind if I do.
We have a China Metallurgical Equipment Corporation Liquid Dispensing Machine Mark IIV in our place of work. It is excellent. It can “down” a wide variety of airborne targets traveling in excess of Mach 1 at ranges of up to 20km, using a on-board computerized tracking and targeting system integrated with a powerful radar. Since the management purchased the machine we have been responsible for the loss of several BMI, BA and Ryan Air flights, and have contributed no small amount towards the Air Defence of the nearby NSA base. EasyJet have openly admitted to altering all internal UK flight routes to avoid our locale, and we are steadily getting more and more used having no ceiling in the kitchen, and of course the slight noise/smoke/visual “impression” which is left on the working day each time the Mark IIV detects and launches against a “incoming target”.
Still haven`t got close enough to the machine to try the tea, coffee or hot choc unfortunately, but perhaps when it runs out of missiles I`ll give it a go.
|Nicey replies: Hoorah, it sounds quite timid compared to most vending machines.
Your piece on vending machines reminds me of the line from "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy", about an alien vending machine that dispensed "something almost entirely but not completely unlike tea."
As all vending machines make tea like this, is this proof that extra-terrestrial life is already here? and if so have they brought their own biccies?
Keep up the good work.
|Nicey replies: Excellent, two mails about Vending Machines, the required number to warrant an icon.|