Keep your e-mails pouring in, it's good to know that there are lots of you out there with views and opinions.
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||Dear Mr Nicey,|
As a frequent biscuit and cake consumer, I would like to bring to your attention the anomaly that is the "Water Biscuit".
Recently on a trip to my local Tesco's, I came across the "Water Biscuit". Intrigued, I purchased a pack. Upon returning home I sat down and had a cup of tea, and opened the pack. I was amazed, ney, horrified to see that there was no trace of water in the biscuit, or indeed the surrounding packaging. I placed some of the biscuits in a bowl of water, expecting something to happen, i.e the aforementioned biscuit growing to gargantuan proportions, but they only proceeded to get wet and soggy.
After inspecting ALL of the ëbiscuitsí in the pack, I came to the conclusion that it must be a faulty pack, I returned them to Tesco's. The Customer Services woman was quite firm in her conviction that water has nothing to do with "water biscuits". I am baffled.
What is going on?
|Nicey replies: Huw,
Water biscuits, not only are not made of water but they are crackers, rather than biscuits, and truly nasty ones at that. I could see them fitting in well in some sort of scenario, where Amnesty International would have to get involved. This would be due to peoples basic biscuit eating rights being abused, by having water biscuits offered to them, instead of decent biscuits.
Still good biscuit investigation initiative type of thing.
||Dear Mr Nice,|
Previous to my last email, I have also become dubious as to the amount of Bourbon that is in Bourbons. This lunch time I consumed a whole packet (cost 74p) in the hope of getting absolutley paraletic. After waiting well over an hour for the affects to manifest themselves, I noticed a small rash develop above my left shoulder.
If you could initiate an investigation as soon as possible, I would be most relieved.
||my friend sent me a link to your site and i thought it was extremely wierd and like nothing id ever seen before. i didn't know british people could be like that, you are british aren't you? i couldnt believe you could dedicate almost an entire website to biscuits, tea and crackers. i liked the marmot thing though and the ineffable crab or whatever it was. if you have anymore links to sites like that please send them to me. best wishes, alexx|
|Nicey replies: Yes, of course British people can be like that, although more frequently we're like this.|
As I put down my nice cup of Chinese tea and a half eaten plain chocolate Hob-Nob (don't worry, it'll be eaten by the time I finish writing this), I was reading a couple of letters posted regarding Nasty Biscuits and Flagship biscuits from other nations, and then I realsied that I have come across a biscuit that fits both criteria.
Now, I know that I'm and ex-pat living in the US, but I really must say that the OREO is one of the most revolting things I have ever tasted. It's a national icon over here, and I'm probably risking getting lynched for slamming it, but it's been around for ninety years and it bloody tastes like it has!. Two pseudo-chocolate rounds sandwiching an even dodgier tasting creme filling. Simply Revolting! Even Happy Shopper Super Cheap Own Brand Bourbons are infinitely better that them. I mean, look at the colour, the damn things are nearly black! Put one in your mouth and you'll be yearning for a "Nice" biscuit to take away the horrible taste.
Don't get me wrong, those fresh Chocolate chip cookies they have over here are actually pretty bloody good (although I'm not sure that they really count as biscuits). I just can't see what everyone likes about Oreos.
|Nicey replies: Hello again,
I think the most suspect thing about Oreo's is the eating instructions on the outside, what does that say about the IQ of the intended customers?
I have had Oreos and they aren't too exciting. I see that they are covering them in all sorts gloop to make them more appealing like mint fudge. This to seems like an admission of defeat, if they were all right in the first place they wouldn't need to be mucked about with.
Great site and all but, after consuming most of a McVities Jamaica Cake with friend last night, I wanted to ask whether you'd be extending the series to cover the more 'civilized' end of the 'tea and dipping' spectrum?
Check out McVities' wrapper for their Jamaica Cake (modern, looks like a huge aero in a cake container) and then check out the packaging for a McVities Golden Syrup cake (classic, art deco, silvery - a touch of class that has been changed in nigh on 100 years).
I think you'll get where I'm coming from.
Cheers & respect
By the way, I don't mean EVERY cake - just the ones you'd put out in slices on a nice tray by a warmed, bone china teapot at about 4pm every weekday... Mmmmmmmm
|Nicey replies: Our horizons most definitely extend to cake, as stated in our mission statement. Those McVities cakes you mention are indeed inspirational.
We are quite keen of the Lemon iced madeira cake, as seen in Tescos and Waitrose. Maybe I could fit "cake of the month" into my hectic schedule.