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I have just purchased a 6 pack of original Wagon Wheels, the packet of which is emblazoned with the legend "Great New Chocolatey Taste". This begs the question of quite what Wagon Wheels were supposed to taste of before (adventure, according to a different part of the pack). An internal
examination however has revealed no human-discernable change to the taste of the Wagon Wheels, and biscuiteers should not allow themselves to be unduly tempted by this marketing ploy.
Alan Wheatley and Brian Barratt`s stumbling efforts to cover up a military disaster in World War 1 which was caused by Biscuit Deprivation (now recognised as a medical problem) are not to be countenanced. The true facts that have emerged after long and painstaking research are as follows; the Gallipoli campaign was delicately poised and New Zealanders of the Wellington regiment under colonel Malone had won the heights of Chunuk Bair, a commanding position and one that, if held, would turn the enemy into a helpless gibbering mob as seen at many Australian pubs. After sustained pressure all the New Zealanders needed were more grenades of a new type, round and flat with a rough coat on the outside to enhance it`s camouflage. 20 boxes of these were sent up to Chunuk Bair, passing on the way through the Australian trenches. Yes, you`ve guessed it-- the Aussies thought they were biscuits and 3 boxes were consumed before the terrible effects of these ''biscuits'' were unleashed on the hapless and dim Ockers. The New Zealanders never got the required ordinance and had to relinquish their hard won position. Ever since, the Anzac biscuit has been baked by New Zealanders as a reminder of the greed and tendencies of our ''cousins'' across the ditch. It resembles the original grenade, but tastes much better-- that is in New Zealand. We gave the Aussies the recipe for the grenade.
Cheers, Barry Newman.
Jacob's Mikado Review
Your review of the Jacob's Mikado is both exotic and illuminating. I cannot supress the thought however that the biscuit itself resembles a prop from a 1960's episode of Star Trek.
||Dear Mr Nicey|
As a tea-drinker for over 60 years, I would ask Nick Keegan if he also adds sugar and milk to his beer or wine.
When young students visit me for tuition, I permit them to add sugar and milk to their tea, if they wish. On the other hand, I offer them a choice from about 12 different types of tea and gently suggest that if they wish to relish it and learn about tea drinking, they must treat it like wine and savour it as the gods in their wisdom intended. (Alas, there is no soma in my kitchen cupboard.)
Why ruin the subtle nose and flavour of Assam, Darjeeling, Russian Caravan, Royal Ceylon, English Breakfast, Irish Breakfast, Scottish Breakfast, Traditional Afternoon, Lady Grey, et al, not to mention the wide range of subtle Chinese teas available to us? Milk and sugar with jasmine? My Chinese students and their parents would be insulted.
As for adding milk to Earl Grey, well, why not just buy a tin of paint, water it down, and drink it? The result would be the same.
Oh well, never mind. These youngsters will learn, one day.
Jacob's Mikado Review
My congratulations to The Wife on her successful Irish quest. Well done!
I was delighted to hear that the Mikado is alive and well and living up to its former identity, especially since so few things apparently do these days.
Your excellent technical review was very fair, I thought, and it does (thankfully) still appear that the whole is rather more that the sum of its parts - the entire 'ensemble' making such a good impression on the tasters.
I do understand you have objections to coconut, however, have you any plans to complete the set (per the infamous 'ditty') and review Jacob's Coconut Creams too?
Yours ever with gratitude,
Kathryn Hall, Indiana.
(PS - I am still weeping gently at the thought of The Wife's real Tandragee Tayto's)
|Nicey replies: Kathryn,
You have obviously been waiting for this review, glad you liked it.
We would never shy away from reviewing some of the more challenging biscuits, but I wouldn't hold out too long if you want to see a lemon puff or pink wafer review.