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In response to your correspondent Amanda Collins, who speculates on a dog-biscuit / fig-roll mix up scenario; once when I was at primary school a boy found a dog biscuit in his lunch box, it having been placed there as a prank by his elder sister. However, a Hitler-esque dinnerlady forced him to eat the dog biscuit, not believing his pleas that it was only there as a joke. I think this is a salutary lesson to us all to :
a) Not trust sisters.
b) Hate dinnerladies with a passion bordering on the psychotic.
I feel its my duty to update you on The Biscuit Cup but I?m not happy about it.
For the quarter finals the biscuits were marked on taste, design, dunkability, originality and performance so only the great biscuit god in the sky knows how the 17 judges came up with these results:
QF1 - Jammy Dodger 155 Gingernuts 173 ? GINGERNUT WIN
In spite of receiving the 2nd highest marks of any biscuit ever the dodger was knocked out by the pre-tournament favourite and dentally dangerous Gingernut.
QF2 - Chocolate Digestives 137 Cadburys Boasters 146 ? BOASTERS WIN
What a load of rubbish. Just how could the bragging cookie beat McVities finest ever product.
QF3 - Fig Rolls 111 Rich Tea 112 - RICH TEA WIN
Errr... Boring rich tea make the final four!
QF4 - Shortcake 96 Garibaldi 98 - GARIBALDI WIN
At least bloody shortcake didn?t make it through (but only just)
My colleagues clearly have burnt their tastebuds drinking too much hot tea, have little design sense (and some are designers by trade), think westlife are an original band and haven?t registered a good performance since their honeymoon.
|Nicey replies: Yes,
And if you keep going on at them trying to point out which they should admire and why, they will probably tell you to go off and set up a web site dedicated to your cause. You might even reply "Alright I will, its about time there was a decent biscuit site". Two years down the road you'll probably get emails from people staging biscuit knockout tournaments, and complaining about peoples lack of biscuit appreciation skills. You'll probably send them a reply where you tell them that they should tell the other people... I'm getting lost now.
||It's true, some children really do stink of digestives. I always wondered what that smell was and in my observations I have noticed that girls were more inclined towards the digestive aroma whilst the boys smelt more like chicken burgers.|
I was always the one forced to hold their hands during games because I protested a little too loudly about them in front of the teacher.
On another note, has anyone ever made the fatal mistake of eating a dog biscuit instead of a fig roll? They look the same.
my Yorkshire Mother-in-Law always used to like to serve pikelets as a savoury alternative to biscuits at tea time. Lovely. However, I've always preferred them with a bit of jam.
Do you think this is socially acceptable, or should I stick to serving them warm with a nice bit of butter?
Fresh homemade raspberry jam is my favourite.
|Nicey replies: Well we don't do Pikelets here but we do have lots of the closely related Crumpet and they get butter, occasionally jam sometimes marmalade and frequently peanut butter put on them.
||I must say I find your biscuit reviews both informative and useful, however I think you may have overlooked something about the whole nice cup of tea thing. What about the kettle? The kettle is an integral part of the whole tea experience - should one use a filter kettle, or perhaps a Britta filter jug or both, which kettle is best? Much like biscuit dunking affects the tea taste so does the quality of the kettle which boiled the water in the first place..|
Being a selfish git I bring this up as I am looking to purchase a replacement kettle for our office and being massive tea drinkers the kettle takes a hammering. Our aging Russell Hobbs filter kettle is indeed a decripit and sad sight.
Anyhoo, if you or anyone else out there in the great wide tea drinking world could recommend a filter kettle I'd be most grateful.
|Nicey replies: Oh yes a well designed kettle is a must. We have very hard water here so our kettles take a real bashing.
We had a massively noisy (Morphy Richards rapid boil I think) kettle with a base which was circular and electrical connector in the middle, which had amazing acoustic properties. It was so effective at conducting the noise from the kettle to the work surface that it sounded like a passenger jet passing over and made it really tricky for anybody on the phone in the office. However, reading the blurb it seemed like the perfect kettle for the office.