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McVitie's Lyles Creams Review
|dear kind sir, i writin to inform as to the reason for said cool logo. its from a part of the 'sampson and delila' story from the old testamont of de bible. its from the bit where sampson sees a dead lion full of bees. this is also the reason why 'sampson' rolling tobacco has a picture of a lion on the front (i prefer cutters choice though cos it tastes nicer). tom.|
|Nicey replies: Thanks for that Tom, we actually alluded to that in the review. Have you developed your writing style to deliberately annoy MS Word? If so, well done.|
I've recently been making frequent expeditions to Tesco's, purveyors of Desert Creams (pictured) in both Apple & Custard and Lemon Meringue flavours. I believe these to be some of the finest biscuits I've ever tasted : two shortbread biscuits sandwich a quantity of flavoured creamy
stuff, harbouring at its core a central bolus of fruit flavoured gunk. The apple and custard variety are exceptionally remarkable - imagine a biscuit with the taste experience of a mouthful of apple crumble, and all for a paltry 59p for 8!
However, Tesco's shelf labelling asserts the existence of a third species of Desert Cream : Strawberry Cheesecake. Despite frequent expeditions, this third variety remains wholly undocumented by science, and I'm beginning to speculate that it's perhaps a fiction of the Tesco's marketing people, to keep me coming back to the store*.
Perhaps the readers of your fine web site will assist me in maintaining constant 24 hour surveillance on all Tesco outlets in the nation until a pack has been obtained.
* A bit like those chocolate-chip Garibaldis a few years back.
|Nicey replies: Yes I've eyed them from a distance. We'll have to give them a go at some point. Hoorah for the Quest!|
I must share my recent re-discovery of De Rit HonigWaffles, approx 4 inches in diameter , two thin outer layers of crispy buttery waffles, sandwiched together with the most delicious thick honey.
Obviously not quite a biscuit, yet only three layers...so misses the mark as a wafer, avoids the defined parameters for the term "cake"...so where does that leave me...well, speechless actually as my gob is full of the last one in a packet of six hidden from the children and partner.
Is it possible to be unfaithful and duplicitous with a confection?
|Nicey replies: Maddalena,
You know it is. To paraphrase the Bard, "If biscuits be the food of love, then what is cake all about then?"
It was recently drawn to my attention that there is a new species of Biscuit being marketed in England called BISC&. These are a thin, rather bland biscuit rectangle with a fine layer of four types of chocolate; Mars, Twix, M&Ms or Bounty, on top. For those who remember the Twix top of 1999, it is basically a carry on of that.
I hurridly went out and bought all of the 4 varieties of this biscuit, and came to the conclusion that the BISC& Mars was the nicest, if a bit extreme; too much of it would be sure to make even the most experienced biscuit eater fell sick. The twix variaty is pleasing, although the difference between it and the mars one is difficult to distinguish as the taste change is very subtle. Bounty is the most contraversial as there are many people who don't like coconut and is not one for the faint harted. Lastly there is M&Ms which comes complete with a few M&Ms pasted on top, which are delightful. However the chocolate is of extremely poor quality so this is probably one best reserved for children.
I am sorry to say that the biscuit is not of very good quality. I can't imagine they use very good ingredients; maltodextrin and hydrogenated vegtable fat spring to mind, but it compliments the chocolate which is definitely the best part of the experience.
My conclusion is that these biscuits should be reserved for the easily pleased, as any experienced consumer of biscuits would be rather unimpressed by the sheer cheapness and lack of quality of this biscuit.
|Nicey replies: Emma,
Thank you for that review, it will save me the trouble of investigating those dubious items for a good while yet.
| Jeffrey Clark
I just felt that as it was a Saturday night and all my mates have got killer flu and so can't go out on the town with me - even though I'd promised to buy all the beer - I just felt that I should register my opinions regarding biscuits...so here goes...are you still there Nicey? Right...here goes.
The best plain biscuit is a malted milk...with the cow on the front...or the back depending on your viewpoint.
The second best plain biscuit is a Rich Tea by McVities. All other Rich Tea biccys are crap.
A Jaffa Cake isn't a biscuit...and anyone who thinks it is, is quite simply nuts. If it was a biscuit then it would be called a Jaffa Biscuit. Also...a biscuit snaps when it is laterally stressed, whereas a Jaffa Cake tears or simply breaks apart...but doesn't snap.
Ditto for the fig roll.
A Wagon Wheel is a biscuity cakey type thing and is a lot smaller than it used to be when I was a kid...though I will accept that because I am now a lot bigger than I was when I was a kid, it could very well be that I am talking through my hat...if I had one...and in actual fact the Wagon Wheel
is not any smaller than it used to be when I was a kid...and having been metricated, could very well be bigger.
One of my all time favourite biscuits is a Gypsy Cream...nothing to do with the sultry, raven haired beauty who appeared in the advert.
I now have a few questions which someone may be able to answer for me as I am rather puzzled...hang on a moment, the phone's ringing and it could be one of my pals wanting to go out...no, it was a wrong number. So, pink wafers...biscuits or what? And Jammy Dodgers...rather soft for a biscuit I feel, what do you reckon? And Garibaldi...does anyone actually eat them or, like me do you use them to line the bottom of the budgie cage? I haven't got a budgie but I have got a budgie cage which I leave open by the window in case Billy comes back...I was teaching him to talk when he just flew right through the living room window and shot off in a shower of glass...unusual
behaviour for a budgie according to the man in the budgie shop.
Anyway, it's been nice talking to you and I've enjoyed my lovely cup of tea.
Bye for now, Jeffrey
|Nicey replies: This Rock and Roll lifestyle will be your undoing.|