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||I note with great regret the sheer ignorance of some biscuit reviewers. Technology has, for many years, been applied to biscuit development and the Wagon Wheel was the initial giant leap. I have concerned myself for many years with biscuit technology and it is my company that is responsible for the Wagon Wheel coating. Biscuit Technology plc (or BT) is a hugely advanced operation and you may have seen our grey vans around.|
Our main laboratory (situated in Rhyl) developed, after research spanning 128 years, a method of electroplating biscuits with a chocolate compound. The compound is simply chocolate mixed with particles of lead ethersulphate de-oxyphospherhydroplasma. When the 'Wheel is dipped in the solution and a current passed through it, the electrons in the chocolate become warmer and are attracted to stale produce. The result is 'chocolate plating' and the other chemicals are lost (mostly) in the process.
We were approached by the Product Development Steering Committee from Burton's with a view to developing a high-performance waterproof biscuit covering. Our brief consisted only of the fact it must be brown, chocolatish and be able to deflect heat, infra-red light and water. Initial tests were performed off-site at a secret military base in Tahiti where casualties would be lower than one would expect when testing such a biscuit finish.
Obviously we cannot divulge the exact nature of the tests as they fall within the official secrets act but it is safe to say that casualties were minimised and only a handful suffered side effects from consuming the wrapper aswell. We are committed to developing high-performance, high-quality advanced biscuit finishes and it is such a shame that there is a blissful ignorance of our nationally important research and development. In the furtherance of biscuit technology even Microsoft can't touch us lot.
Watch out for the vanadium-plated cybergestive coming soon and the new range of anodised custard chromes. Also available at the end of the century will be touch-sensitive software- driven bourbots that are so small they are invisible to the human eye.
|Nicey replies: I was not aware of that.|
Your site is a wonderful source of information and amusement. One subject
that I can't find any mention of is the storage of biscuits. I am
particularly partial to McVities Chocolate Hobnobs and Chocolate Caramels,
but I find both of these to be far nicer when eaten directly from the fridge.
They are also less crumbly, and you can usually snap one in half with no
fuss or bother (unlike when they are at rom temperature).
Fridge-based storage also has the effect that the cold chocolate creates a
delicious melting sensation in the mouth.
What do you think?
Keep up the good work - and thanks for all the information. The biscuit
reviews are invaluable.
|Nicey replies: Jon,
Well, I think the taste is not so good if chocolate is chilled, but the texture change is certainly of interest. I imagine a chilled chocolate caramel would put up a bit of a fight. Of course I would advocate biscuit tins as the way forward on storage.
Listen, Im no rocket scientist (although I do work for NASA, and am working on the development of advanced ion optics, which are critical components of ion-based propulsion engines) but I do love your site. It's the best thing on the web by some 700 mega-bourbons. But enough of this idle chatter, I have a question - when are you going to do a feature on 'packed lunch' biscuits - Breakaways, Penguins, Blue Ribands, and those of a similar ilk? Kids love em, I love em, and an in-depth review is long overdue. I trust you will correct this oversight forthwith.
|Nicey replies: We have already taken a step in the direction you suggest with the Wagonwheel. I'm sure we will get round to many of the chocolate covered biscuits you suggest.
P.S. See if you can do something about the acceleration those ion drives, its a bit dismal.
Firstly, what a lovely site. The idea of measuring things in "bourbons" and "kilobourbons" made me laugh out loud :)
Anyway, I have an important question; one that I think only you can answer.
*drum roll* How do you pronounce "Nice" when referring to that particular type of biscuit. On your site, you seem to be of the opinion it is "Nice" as in "not nasty"; with an "eye" sound in the middle, as you often mention how they are not actually "Nice" at all.
However, I have heard many people pronounce it as if it rhymed with "fleece"; like the town "Nice", in France.
Can you please clear up this matter as it has been bothering me for many years. I often find all conversation during a nice cup of tea and a sit down comes to a complete halt as soon as the "Nice" biscuits come out, and descends into argument.
Yours in hope of a final answer
|Nicey replies: Its pronounced "NICE". Hope that clears it up for you.|
Tim Tam vs Penguin Review
I am interested to know if you have Tim Tams in Britan. I don't, in any way, want to detract from Sandie Cleland's insights about the 'Kit Kat Straw', indeed I applaud them generously. However I thought you might like to know of a similar phenomenon in Australian biscuit tradition called the 'Tim Tam Slam'. Irritatingly basketbally term but a singlularly worthwhile persuit which involves biting diametrically opposite corners off the rectangular, choc-covered Tim Tam and sucking hot beverages through them. Public opinion is divided on whether this practice constitues a violation of the TT which is regarded as the luxury biscuit for rich and poor alike and has semi totem status here.