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I was reading your article on Universal Cake Theory over a nice cuppa, when I suddenly remembered something a friend once told me about the nature of cakes in the cosmos:
"On ingredients lists of some products it says 'anti-caking agent'. Does this mean everything contains anti-caking agent except cakes? If there was a world shortage of anti-caking agent, would everything in the universe turn to cakes?"
I would urge the cancellation of all orders for said anti-caking agent, allowing cake to proliferate across the known galaxy. However, maybe some sort of tea sanctuary could be erected, so that a nice cuppa could be still be enjoyed amongst the goodness?
|Nicey replies: Excellent deductive reasoning. Mind you its salt that has anti-caking agent so that implies that the sea is actually dilute cake.
Bodam Carlsbad Spa Wafers Review
I've just read your biscuit of the week. David and I got married in Prague last year! We bought these biscuit / wafers fresh and they were truly fantastic. They take about two seconds to make and are still hot when you eat them as they are made to order. If I recall correctly they cost about 2p each.
I do hate to be a pedant though but I thought I would point this out before someone else did. It's not Czechoslovakia any more. In in the early 90's the Czech republic became a country in this own right. As did the Slovak Republic. So it's the Czech republic now.
|Nicey replies: Hello Mrs InABin,
No go ahead pick us up on it, as you know I make everything up as I go along including my dodgy grasp of political geography. Woo.
I'm off to our holiday house now for a big pot of tea and clotted cream scones, with Jam, Yum.
From my desk in this nice centrally located London office if I look left I can see the grandeur of Christopher Wren's masterpiece St. Pauls cathedral. Then I look right.....
It's the dreaded vending machine, which conatins the office staff's daily fixes of coffee, tea, chocolate, soup, soda, dregs, and gooey stuff. I often hear it grumble (a warning perhaps?) when I walk past it the to water cooler. I have actually tried the various beverages that are dispensed by the machine in times of absolute desperation, and have of course been disapointed on every occasion. I seem to remember that something I had once tasted remotely like dishwater, but I'm afraid I couldn't describe the tastes of the other beverages except to say that they were disgusting.
Even plain water is dispensed with brownish tinge. Ewwww!
The worst (and last) experince I ever had with the vending machine was the one where I pressed a button on the machine and the dreaded "code 12" flashed on the screen. A "code 12" error means that the bucket under the drip tray is full. The deal in our office is that if you are the person who gets the "code 12", then you are handed the key to the machine and expected to empty the sludge bucket inside. Let me tell you, this was one of the worst experiences of my life, and when I poured that gooey filth down the sink it made me retch. Take my word for it and stay away from those horrible machines!
Thankfully there is a kitchen on another floor in our building where I can boil my water in a real jug and pour it into a porcelan cup, over a nice fresh earl grey tea bag (no loose tea available I'm afraid). Phew!
||Dear Sir -|
Myself and my colleagues have recently undertaken your delightful 'Biscuit Tin Quiz'.
Whilst it kept our interest for some minutes, we couldn't help by finish with a sense of mistrust and disappointment. Permit me, if you will, to explain.
Think of your biscuit tin as a clock-face. It's plain to for all to see, the placing of a bourbon shard at clock-position "3:13", the fairly generous helping of a Party Ring at clock-position "6:35", and of course the cracked Custard Creams at positions "4" and "7". However, as they say, the honeymoon is now over. You see, in your (incorrectly named) "Answers Section", you have indicated that the Biscuit shard located at clock-position "11" is an 'All Butter' type biscuit.
With all due respect, you are a liar and a cheat. This so-called 'All Butter' shard is nothing more than a cracked piece of 'Fruit Shortcake', with the currants ('dead flies' as we say in the trade) expertly removed and the sugar crystals wiped off - probably with a damp cloth. Or perhaps even run under the tap and simply brushed away by hand. The hand of a cheater.
So, it is with great regret - and all due respect - that I must request from you evidence of your 'All Butter' biscuit - a photograph of this vile snack juxtaposed with the princely 'Fruit Shortcake' would suffice. Failure to comply will result in your loss of a large following of biscuit
I trust you will do the right thing and come clean.
James Herbert & Colleagues
United Biscuits Front (City of London branch)
|Nicey replies: Much as you would like our quiz to be incorrect I can assure you it is not. Mashing the picture down into a Flash movie however does make it a bit more challenging.|
Malted Milk Review
|Dear Nicey - re Katy Rouths note |
I think I know what she's on about. One of my children is slightly dyslexic and we've tried all kinds of alternative remedy things suggested by teachers that are supposed to stimulate the brain - like foods containing fatty acids (sardines etc), drinking lots of water , listening to Mozart ,balancing
exercises etc - So if Katy has discovered that Malted Milk are a brain stimulant then this could be a fantastic educational breakthrough. You can see why one that played Mozart might be even better (but possibly not edible). I will try feeding my daughter Malted Milk biscuits for breakfast tomorrow as she's got a spelling test in school and see if there is any improvement. They will have to be Tesco's though as we had ASDA's last week and my youngest was traumatised by the missing calf.
PS Tea Bag bin doing as well as can be expected in office setting so long as someone remembers to empty it daily - Nasty Mould experience last week.
|Nicey replies: Very good, but its not a calf its just one slightly further away (shades of Father Ted here..).
Glad to hear the TeaBagBin is gainfully employed.