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My wife is currently pregnant with our first child. Its all going swimmingly for her apart from one thing - she's gone off tea. There are no strange cravings for marmite on pink wafers or such like but she cannot stomach a cup of tea. A quick survey of friends and family who have had children quickly uncovered that several other ladies, when pregnant, went off tea. Is there a physiological explanation why normally sane women act in such a way when with child? Is this condition as common as my straw poll indicated?
Thankfully, she still likes her biscuits though.
Newcastle upon Tyne
|Nicey replies: As I recall Wifey kept drinking tea by the bucket load when she was pregnant so no special insights there. She did get a craving for Spinach which we used to grow. However on this occasion the only Spinach around was one gnarly and fibrous plant that had set itself from some compost under a Hollyhock in the front garden. I was required to venture out the front door, dig it up boil it and present it to her on toast.
Perhaps we should have a poll, that would be excellently pseudoscientific.
|Dear Mr Nicey,|
I have long intended to visit, in order to register my concern. I hope this is an area of anxiety that you share. I am convinced that in my youth the covering of the noble bourbon was whiter and crunchier, as it was replete with many granules of sugar. Today as your own web image shows one is lucky to find a half dozen grains per side. How is the mighty bourbon fallen? Denuded of sugar it rests neglected in the variety box.
The time is ripe for those of good heart and long memory to spurn self-defeating cost cutting measures and launch the deluxe bourbon - thick in filling and encrusted with a bejewelled surface of refined sugar. Yum yum.
Meanwhile the budget bourbon - more properly these days a bourmauvais - is ready to emerge sugar-less and bald to feed the profits of fat cat biscuit moguls and their heartless denizens of impropriety.
I would be grateful for a reply by return.
(borrowing my friend Richard's email while he is out, so he knows nothing of this and would be very worried if he ever found out what I have been up to with his nice pinny while he was out de-worming the geese.)
|Nicey replies: Oh yes get the sugar back on there, then you can use them as little sanding blocks maybe to take the ragged edges of your Garibaldis.
Hoorah! for the removal of goose worms.
||Our vending machine obviously thinks it's a cut above your average refreshment discharger as it refuses to accept any coinage worth less than 5p. We only use the blessed things to rid ourselves of such unwanted small change. It's not as if anyone wants to actually drink the stuff stored within.|
It's not all bad though. If you want sugar you must move your cup from the point where water is dispensed to a second point under a large red button marked "SUGAR" where the sugar is released. Any virgin to this machine will fail to move his or her cup to the point under this rather prominent button and simply push it and watch as the sugar is spat into the drip tray to add a fresh white peak to the growing tea coloured soggy mound. This brightens my day
||In our house, those little stalks that float in the top of a cup of tea made from loose leaves, are known as 'strangers'. Pick it out and put it on the back of one hand whilst covering it with the palm of the other hand. Lift up the top hand and say a day of the week. Repeat (Mon-Sun format) until the stalk sticks to the palm and indicates the day on which you'll meet a mysterious character, smelling of Bergamot.|
finally the Kit Kat gets its true place as a biscuit! It comes in long packets of many biscuits, like Penguins do, which qualifies them as a biscuit. They taste better with a cup of tea, chocolate bars don't.
Anyhow, thought you'd like to know the Kit Kat still enjoys all its foil covered glory in Canada, although its that naff paper backed stuff like Jacobs Club. Nevertheless, you can still rub the logo through into it and then run your nail up the split, not quite as satisfying as proper foil but you can't have everything. It helped me survive all of last winter in British Cloumbia, shame they can't do proper tea as well (good beer in proper pint glasses makes up for it).
How can you possibly eat a modern Brit Kit Kat when you can't split each finger with that little strip of wrapper still attached so that it floats in your tea and then electrocutes your fillings. Heaven.
Tunnock's Tea Cakes is the last great biscuit tradition we have left unsullied.
|Nicey replies: I was only thinking about British Cloumbia before lunch, and all those mad fossilised things in the Burgess shales from half a billion years ago.|